Easy Way Out
by NellietheMarvelous
Summary: Lisbon is sick of leading a lonely life, after Bosco's death she realizes she doesn't want to only be the job. A planned night out leads to her favorite coffee shop and an interesting turn of events. Eventual Jane/Lisbon.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The Mentalist is not mine. But oh if it was.**

**A/N: This is my new story...obviously. Lisbon centric. Basically it's my Secret Santa gift for everyone but it's not really much of a secret. I felt really bad for having to back out of Secret Santa on Jello-Forever and yet still receiving something when I didn't actually give anything so this is for everyone. :D I hope you guys like it. I wasn't going to post it until New Years but then I thought what the hell, I don't really want to do that so I posted it. **

Teresa Lisbon had never been one to party. Growing up with three younger brothers, and then later on having to raise them, hadn't really given her the chance to be a party goer. It wasn't in her blood and yet on this night she was contemplating stepping outside of her comfort zone. Not necessarily to party but she was thinking about going out, maybe having a drink. She'd stay sitting at a table no doubt, socializing wasn't really a strong point for her but she thought she might enjoy a little time out of the house. She wanted something else in life besides just work and home. She was a woman not a robot. It was already getting close to Christmas, less than a month away and the only plans she had were to watch TV and stuff her face in the process. Same thing she'd accomplished on Thanksgiving after calling each of her brothers.

The latest case had her slightly shaken, a woman around her age had been brutally beaten to death. That wasn't necessarily the part that had her worked up. The fact that their victim had no friends outside of work and no personal life whatsoever was what had her feeling the need to get out of her apartment. Even though she hated public places, she didn't want to die like that. She didn't want to be alone. Sure she had her team but she wanted someone she could open up to. Somebody she didn't have to remain professional around and though she knew she wouldn't trust anyone until they earned it, she wanted to have someone who she could laugh and joke with. Someone she could talk to that didn't deal with death everyday. Was that too much to ask for? To be able to spend some time talking with someone who didn't have such a depressing job or the weight of the world on their shoulders, was it too much?

A few minutes in her lonely apartment had her standing in front of her closet in just her underwear, trying to decide on what to wear. This wasn't usually her thing. Most days she just threw something on, as long as she looked professional and tonight she was going for the opposite. She wanted to look approachable yet respectable. She was hoping to make a friend tonight. Honestly she didn't care if the person was male or female although she definitely would be apposed to male company. It'd been ages since she'd let herself enjoy a man but there was no way she was going out tonight with the sole purpose of picking up some random guy. She wasn't that type of woman. She was just hoping to take her mind off of the job, off of Jane. No, she refused to admit that he had anything to do with this. She was strictly worked up about the case, nothing he said made a difference and it was time for her to try something different.

After Bosco had died she was left with an ache in her chest, and maybe she was hoping a tiny bit to meet someone who could spark her interest. Falling for a married man had never really been a part of her plans when she'd worked with him and now so many years later she was doing it all over again; falling for yet another married man. It didn't matter that this one was widowed, the wedding band still reminded her of every reason she had to stop herself now before it was too late. So yeah, maybe she wanted male company more than female. She had to start moving on or she never would. Bosco was gone, it was never meant to be with them anyway and even though she did still love him it hadn't been the same as when they'd worked together. Jane was completely off limits in every way, she couldn't let herself go there and if tonight was a bust then she'd go out more often. How did her thoughts lead back to Jane?

Two loud groans of frustration, a few pairs of jeans and two shirts later and she was putting on some light make up, then heading out the door. Dark jeans and a white feminine top equaled approachable yet respectable in her book. She had to physically restrain herself from hooking her holster to her hip which only served to remind her why she was doing this. Now she just had to figure out where she intended to go.

A half an hour passed and she found herself sipping a steaming cup of coffee in her favorite booth of her favorite coffee shop. She liked this place, it was very much a hole-in-the-wall type place. You wouldn't know it was there unless you knew it was there. She'd stumbled upon it a few months ago and fell in love with the family feel. So here she was. She'd given up, this wasn't her. Maybe the job was all she had and maybe she should be okay with that. She had been up until tonight or maybe she'd just pretended she was. That was probably the right way to put it. She pretended that it didn't bother her to go home to a lonely apartment, a phone with no messages and neighbors who knew of her but didn't know her. Well a few did, but she didn't exactly consider the cat lady one door over to be her best friend nor the little old man who called her 'Sis'. Yet here she was, content to sit alone and accept her lack of a social life while the couple at the next table joked and stole kisses over a shared latte. Great, the world was now mocking her. She couldn't help but watch the pair, they looked so happy. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been happy like that. Just watching them interact had a soft smile tugging at her lips.

When they got up to leave, Lisbon found herself doing the same. She wasn't going to follow them, she was simply going to go back home, take a hot shower and crawl into bed. Tomorrow she'd get up and do some Christmas shopping, might as well do something productive with her day off. Grabbing her jacket and her coffee, she stood from the booth hastily just in time for something to collide into her. She didn't have much time to react before hot liquid seeped down the front of her shirt right into her skin, burning its way all the way down to her navel.

"Shit, that's hot!" Hands clasped around her elbows, as she grimaced from the burning sensation and her word choice in such a public place.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going, I'm sorry." Dropping her jacket in the process, Lisbon grabbed the front of her shirt and tugged it away from her body. She was staring down at the darkened wet spot when a hand full of napkins appeared.

"You should pay more attention." Setting her coffee down on the table of the booth she'd just vacated, she grabbed the napkins from the outstretched hand and started wiping furiously at herself. Just her luck. "Dammit, this was my favorite shirt."

"Yeah, I should. I really am sorry." The figure stooped to pick up the jacket she'd dropped and Lisbon finally got a look at the person responsible for her ruined shirt and burning skin. She'd known from the voice that it was a man, but she hadn't expected a handsome face and soulful dark eyes.

"I uh, I didn't mean to sound so rude."

"Completely understandable. I ruined your favorite shirt. Did it burn you?" A charming smile flashed across his face, causing a shy one to appear on her own. Maybe it hadn't been such a bad idea to go out tonight. Taking her jacket from his grasp, she set it next to what was left of her coffee and continued wiping the stain down her front. Though now it was more out of embarrassment than anything else. "Can I get you another cup of coffee?"

"Don't worry about it, it's fine. I'm fine. I was just leaving."

"Are you sure you're not burnt? At least tell me how much the shirt cost, I'll cover that." Tossing the used napkins in the nearest trash bin, she smiled back at the man's offer and shook her head.

"That's very nice of you but really it's fine."

"Mark, I need a coffee. Uh black right?" It took Lisbon a second to realize he was asking how she liked her coffee. She'd give him points for being persistent.

"Yeah." It had her slightly shocked that he knew the name of the man who worked behind the counter when she didn't even know that and she frequented this place. This was proof that she needed to pay more attention for two reasons. One being that she didn't know that Mark's name was Mark, probably never would have and two being that she'd never seen this man here before. She thought about telling him to just forget it so she could go but then she weighed her options instead. She could leave, go home to an empty apartment or she could let this man buy her a coffee. It wasn't a hard decision. Without much reluctance she found herself seated back in the booth, a new steaming cup in front of her and a good looking guy across from her. She was a woman, she couldn't help but notice how good he looked. It was the same reason she noticed that Jane was rather handsome. Why did her thoughts always lead back to him?

Pushing the consultant from her mind, she offered a quick smile to the dark haired man who still looked like ruining her shirt had been the ultimate sin.

"I'm Mathew."

"Teresa." Her agent mode had her wanting to introduce herself as Lisbon but the woman in her won this round. She would accept a simple cup of coffee, talk to the man and then go home. This is what she'd wanted after all, well minus getting a hot beverage dumped down the front of her shirt. "Thank you for the coffee."

"You don't have to thank me, I think it's safe to say I owe you that much and technically I'm not even paying for it."

"Mattie, is that the only way you can get a woman to talk to you?" The outside voice caught Lisbon's attention as Mathew smiled and pointed at the young man behind that counter. The man she now knew was named Mark. "You're losing your touch."

"Hush Mark." Judging by the fond look on his face, she figured they were friends or something along those lines. "Sorry about him, sometimes he doesn't know when to leave it alone."

"S'okay."

"I've seen you in here before, usually you don't stay very long. Wait did that sound too creepy?"

"A little, how do you know I come here?" Despite the way she'd been feeling in the last few hours, days, months even she couldn't help but feel a tiny spark in the pit of her stomach. "I've never seen you."

"I'm usually in the back."

"You work here? Oh then this must come out of your check, I can't let you do that." She didn't want to get him into any trouble but he stopped her from digging into her pocket for cash with a quick wave of the hand.

"No, I don't work here well not really. I own this place, Mark over there is my little brother. Family business. You're in law enforcement yes?"

"Uh, yeah, how do you know..."

"You usually have a gun and a badge." A simple nod was the only reaction she gave him for a few seconds until the battle in her mind ended and a teasing smirk played at her lips.

"You stalk your customers often?"

"I just try to be observant, get to know the regulars but you never stay long enough." Normally a statement like that might have sent her running or reaching for her gun but she knew this place was never very busy, only a few people lingered and most of the time, she was always the sole customer in the mornings. So really it wasn't surprising that he knew how long she stayed and he knew she was in law enforcement so she felt a little at ease.

"I..." She was about to tell him that her job usually kept her from staying anywhere very long but her phone chirped signaling she had a new text. She ignored it for the moment, it was rude to text in the middle of a conversation. "I'd like to stay longer in the mornings but my job doesn't really take coffee breaks."

"You're never in a uniform, so not a patrol cop. A detective of some kind?" Oh god, he sounded like Jane right then. Always back to Jane, she had to stop. That's why she was doing this, part of the reason anyway.

"I'm a CBI agent."

"Ah, agent, wow. And I thought owning a coffee shop was something." For the first time in days, Lisbon felt her shoulders shake as a laugh bubbled up from her lungs. Leaving the house might have been a good idea after all, and she didn't even have to go anywhere out of her comfort zone which was an even bigger plus. Her phone chirped again which made it harder to ignore. "You can answer that, I don't mind a bit."

"Sorry," She knew it wasn't too important, it was just a text but it still irked her. She wanted to know what it said so she looked. Two messages from Jane. Really? Did the world hate her that much right now? She couldn't even get one night. Reading it quickly, she tried to bite back the smile that lit up her face. The first message told her to check her top right desk drawer on Monday and the second simply stated that he'd got her a little gift.

"Boyfriend missing you?"

"What? No, I don't have...it's work. Someone from work."

"Someone from work makes you smile like that?"

"He's a funny guy." Lisbon knew that wasn't what Mathew had meant but it was the best explanation she could come up with and with an arched eyebrow he pretended to buy it. As much as she'd been enjoying the conversation and Mathew's company, Jane's texts had managed to ruin it. He always had the worst timing. "Thank you for the coffee, but I really should get home."

It was actually pretty late, so she could use the excuse and get by with it. Standing carefully, she slipped her arms into her jacket and offered Mathew a soft thanks when he disposed of the empty coffee cup.

"Oh Teresa, to make up for the loss of your favorite shirt, your coffee is free for a week."

"I can't accept that, I'm sorry."

"I won't take no for an answer. That's a really nice shirt and I feel horrible because I know that had to be hot." Sighing in defeat she just nodded and brushed her bangs out of the way. "It was nice to meet you."

"You too." Before she could say anything stupid, Lisbon made herself leave but the whole way home there were two things on her mind: Jane and free coffee. More like the man behind the free coffee but she didn't know him well enough to admit that yet. Although talking with him had taken her mind off of the past few weeks. Off of Bosco's death and her lonely existence. She found it funny that she'd actually gotten all dressed up only to end up talking to someone who had seen her in her work attire in a place that she frequented when she needed some real coffee instead of what the CBI kept in stock. She'd be sure to stop by on Monday morning. She might as well take him up on the free beverage offer, besides Jane had apparently left her a gift. She might need a good cup of coffee to deal with that.

**a/n: This is just the beginning of something that will probably be pretty lengthy and range from fluff to angst. I probably won't update until I finish one of my others but I just wanted to give you this. :D Merry (Early) Christmas...Happy Holidays. :D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. I own Mathew, he's mine...well in my imagination. I wish he was real, though he's loosely based on someone I knew once. **

**A/N: I'm spoiling you guys. :D I know I said this one probably wouldn't be updated before I finished one of my others but hey, I'm in the writing zone. I have no idea how I'm managing to post so often right now but maybe it's just me coming back from being in a less than happy mood. Woohoo for life not being so sucky right now. :D And it helps that I found something I've been looking for. I finally managed to find this necklace that my brother got me for Christmas several years ago. That was the last time I saw him and I thought I'd lost it. So yay for that too! **

Monday rolled around quickly but Lisbon didn't get her free morning coffee that she'd actually been looking forward to. Her alarm had decided to take a sick day, making her fifteen minutes later than she was used to - just her luck. She was tired, and cranky by the time she made it into work. She'd really wanted that coffee, sure she could go to their little kitchen and get a cup but it wasn't as good. So maybe that excuse was a little lacking but she didn't want to come right out and say there weren't any good looking coffee shop owners in the CBI building. Unable to resist the pull of caffeine she found herself next to the coffee pot anyway, pouring a cup. She blamed all of this on the Christmas shopping she'd done. It had always been a dreaded thing for Lisbon, she hated large crowds and it seemed every store she'd frequented on her day off was packed. She made it out relatively unscathed with gifts for everyone she'd decided to buy for but still, she just knew that was the reason she was so tired. It had nothing to do with the fact that she'd spent all night wrapping them and being throrougly excited about a free cup of coffee. Nothing at all. She had even broken down and bought Jane something after he'd made her promise not to but she figured if he could leave her gifts any time he pleased then she could return the favor by getting him something for Christmas.

One steaming CBI mug in hand, she situated herself at her desk and took a long gulp of the dark liquid. It definitely wasn't as tasty as what she'd been hoping for. If she managed to leave work at a decent hour she might just have stop for the good stuff. She was pretty sure they were open until midnight. She hadn't left until almost ten the other day so it was safe to say they were open until at least ten. She could always stop and check. Another sip of the steaming beverage made her remember the messages she'd received from Jane; the ones that interrupted her conversation with Mathew and had her running for the door. She probably should have stayed a little longer but after she'd read the texts, she knew she wouldn't be able to enjoy the lovely company. It didn't make her feel any better for leaving so abruptly but it did make her come to the conclusion that she was going to have to try a lot harder if she planned to succeed in having a life outside of work. Outside of Jane.

Her conflicted heart still had her eyes flickering to the drawer of her desk. It held a gift, one that Jane had gotten for her and even though it would be best to forget about it, she couldn't. Cautiously she reached out and tugged it open, leaning away from it just in case something jumped out. It had happened before, she wouldn't put it past the man to do it again. Although his seemingly pointless gifts were always usually rather sweet and thoughtful.

Nothing jumped out, nothing moved, peeking into the drawer a gasp left her lips. This wasn't what she needed right now, not after the weekend she'd just had. She was actually interested in Mathew. Jane would not ruin this for her, she wouldn't let him. Despite her thoughts, she let herself reach in and gently grasp the slender box. Her heart was thumping wildly in her chest, she knew what was inside, and yet when she lifted the lid a surprised smile still tugged at her lips. What would normally hold a bracelet, held something else, she was actually relieved that she was wrong. Staring up at her was a simple bite size, squished, Milky Way candy bar.

She didn't question how he knew she'd been wanting one. There would be no point but as relieved as she was that it wasn't something like jewelry, an unwelcome feeling stirred in her chest anyway. She hated that he made things so hard without even realizing it or maybe he did realize it. She didn't know. She would never know how his mind worked. Sighing sadly, she unwrapped the smushed chocolate and stuffed it in her mouth. Just because she didn't approve of his gift, didn't mean she was going to let it go to waste.

"Mornin' Lisbon." Speak of the devil, or in this case she'd only been thinking of him. She wanted to get him one of those cat collars - the ones with the little bells - so she would know when he was coming. It would give her time to prepare. "Lovely day today. Enjoying your gift I see."

"Can I help you with something Jane?"

"Someone's grumpy. Can't a guy come to talk to you without having a second agenda?" The blush that rose to her cheeks only served to make her wish she would have had time to stop and get that free coffee. She wondered sometimes if Jane realized what he did to her, what he made her feel - if he knew about the battle she waged within herself.

"You always have a second agenda."

"I'm offended." To her amazement he actually did look offended and her heart immediately dropped. She wasn't trying to be mean or upset him. She was only joking around but he looked as though she'd just killed his puppy. She couldn't say anything, her mouth wouldn't form the words and he didn't give her time. His feet carried him towards her, closer and closer until he looming over her chair. "Sometimes I do nice things just to do them Lisbon."

She had to lean back to look up at him, and still he seemed way too close. She could feel his breath on her face, all she could see were his eyes and she still didn't stop him. She had no idea what he was doing but he was making it harder for her to distance herself from him emotionally. If he kept this up, she wasn't sure she'd be able to. Her mouth opened, trying to tell him that he was too close but nothing came out and just like that he was gone. Backing away with a huge grin on his face and tossing a wink her direction, he politely left her office. What the hell was wrong with him? Better yet, what the hell was wrong with her? She'd just let him invade her personal space and didn't even put up a fight. Her head met the top of her desk with a thump, followed by a quiet 'ow'. She couldn't let him get to her.

Since Bosco was gone, she felt it was easier to get closer to Jane even though she knew it was a bad idea. She figured it was because Bosco had told Jane to take care of her and he'd taken it upon himself to make sure she left at a decent hour each night. It didn't help with her plan to keep him at arms length and now to top it all off, she found another man that sparked her interest. At least he wasn't married - well she hadn't seen a ring so she assumed he wasn't but then again for all she knew he could have a girlfriend or a fiance. She figured he wasn't gay or his brother wouldn't have mentioned dumping coffee on someone to pick up women but then again, who really knew about these things? Sometimes she wondered if she should just sell her life story to Hollywood and be done with it. The soap opera possibilities were endless.

"Boss, we got a case." Startled by Cho's voice, she jumped up and grabbed the file from his outstretched hand. A quick once over and she was practically out the door, with him following at her heels. "You okay? You're usually not this excited about a body?"

"I'm fine." It wasn't true, she wasn't fine. She wasn't sure she could be considered anywhere near fine but it would do. It wouldn't help to pull out her hair in frustration and whine about life being difficult. She knew how to play with the cards she was dealt, no matter how sucky the hand was. She was used to it, her childhood had prepared her well. It was the logic she used to explain why she'd never let herself fully grieve Bosco's death or why she couldn't own up to the fact that she had probably already fallen in love with their consultant. However, it was the reason she'd try to get to know Mathew. She owed herself that much.

* * *

The case involved children, it was always harder when there were children and for Lisbon it meant a day of chasing away impending headaches. Jane had kept his distance throughout, probably due to what she'd found in her jacket pocket while reaching for her keys. Her hand had met something cool and smooth but it wasn't a what she'd been searching for. It was a simple silver bracelet. One that would've fit perfectly in the box she'd found in her desk. It took her over an hour to realize that the moment he snuck it into her pocket had to be when he'd rendered her incapable of speech in her office. It was the only time he'd been close enough to pull something like that off and she'd done a good job of avoiding him after that. To her surprise he let her. She found it slightly interesting that he seemed genuinely concerned about the way she reacted to the jewelry. She wasn't feeling like the day had potential anymore. She kept her slightly cranky attitude and pretended that she wasn't worked up by Jane's behavior. It's what she was good at; pretending. It came second nature, as easy as breathing. The only one who ever called her on it was Jane himself but she knew he wouldn't on this day.

Lisbon had always been the type to suffer in silence, just the way she was. Since her mood had changed during the case, she found herself at a loss. She wanted to go home, and forget that a man had killed four innocent little boys but she knew that wasn't possible. She needed to catch the culprit so she'd settled for the next best thing. Coffee.

It was ten-fifty by the time she arrived for her free coffee. A heavy sinking feeling took root in the pit of her stomach when she noticed the main lights were off. Nobody was visible through the glass but there were now pretty Christmas lights in the windows and they were still glowing brightly. She still would have left but the open sign had her stepping closer and testing out the door handle. It wasn't locked much to her surprise and before she thought better of it, she pushed open the door and welcomed the warmth that radiated from inside. Stepping carefully over the threshold, Lisbon searched the small space for signs of life. Somebody had to be around, there was music playing soft and low.

"Hello?" Her eyes caught and held on the vibrant multi-colored lights in the windows, they hadn't been there when she was here last. Neither had the small cute tree on the counter, just as she reached out to touch the little branches, a movement caught her attention. Mathew stepped out of the back, mop in hand, looking rather filthy but handsome nonetheless in the soft colors that danced across his face.

"I'm sorry Miss but we're clos...Teresa. Hi."

"Hi, the door was open so I thought...I'm sorry." She wasn't usually the type to be nervous around men, but she was a little out of practice. When she went on dates, she knew she was on a date so the goal was already set but she didn't know what she was doing here. This wasn't a date, she'd only met him once. "I'll leave."

"Stay, you're fine. I believe I still owe you a coffee for today." Watching him switch the open sign around to tell the outside world that they were closed, Lisbon just sighed in defeat and plopped down in her usual booth. She was here for a reason and she was too tired to go. The gentle sounds flowing through the atmosphere had her shoulders relaxing as she shed her jacket. Mathew offered her a bright smile before disappearing into the back once again, only to return a few moments later looking slightly cleaner and holding a delightfully familiar looking cup. "You didn't come in this morning. I must say I figured you had decided not to come back after the little spill incident."

"I was late for work." The soft smile on his face, had her trying to give him one of her own but she failed miserably and settled for taking a drink instead.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." Her fingers picked at the label on the styrofoam cup, her eyes watching as it peeled back only for her to try and undo the damage she'd already done by running her thumb over it and hoping it would stay. A nervous habit of hers that always seemed to come up at the strangest times. "Tough day is all."

"Do you want to talk about it? I mean I know I'm pretty filthy and I might smell a little but I'll listen." A quiet chuckle left her lips and just by the way he looked at her, she knew that had been his goal. She thought about it for a few long seconds, remembering how the world seemed to fade away during their first conversation. She wanted that feeling again.

"It's a brutal job, you sure you want to hear about it?"

"I think I can handle it." A few seconds ticked by, as she watched the colors reflect in his eyes. He had nice eyes, they weren't filled with anger or pain like Jane's. She sighed sadly at the thought of the blond haired man. He was never far from her mind and it drove her absolutely crazy. It bothered her even more that he managed to invade her private life without even knowing it, without even trying.

"Four little boys were killed last night." She wasn't sure why she felt comfortable enough to tell him that, or why she didn't stop there. "There are mothers who want to know who could do such a thing and I don't have the answers."

"I know nothing about being a CBI agent, but I know people and all they want to hear is that you're doing your best. They're trusting you, they just want to know that you're worthy. Reassurance is all they really want. You'll catch whoever did it."

"Thanks Mathew." He'd said every word she needed to hear and remarkably some of the weight in her chest lifted.

"Matt, call me Matt and I didn't tell you anything you didn't already know. You just needed a little reassurance yourself."

"Are you always this nice or am I special case because you still feel guilty about the coffee thing?" Her teasing voice momentarily shocked both of them but Lisbon hadn't expected him to turn it back around.

"Well I'd like to believe I'm a gentleman," The smile on his face was infectious, almost as infectious as Jane's. Lisbon's smile faltered a bit before she pushed everything out of her mind. Everything but the man in front of her. "...and to be completely honest, you're a special case but it has nothing to do with the coffee thing. I noticed you the first time you came in, new face."

"Matt, I..."

"I'm sorry, that was terribly forward." Her cheeks were burning and her stomach was turning somersaults, she blamed the romantic lighting and the music. Normally she wasn't so relaxed around someone she'd only met once before but she was comfortable here. That was the reason she liked this little place so much. She could relax, even if only for a little while.

"S'okay. I have to go, I need to get back to work and I'm sure you want to go home."

"This is home for me. Apartment right above us."

"Wow, dedicated. Thank you for the coffee, uh and the talk."

"Anytime, I mean it. If I'm not in here then there's a door around back, just knock loudly." Lisbon didn't ever plan to actually burden him unless he was in the coffee shop. It wouldn't be right. She didn't know him that well, but the offer was still sweet and earned him a shy smile. He gave her another free cup of coffee for the road and bid her a goodnight as she walked out the door. Definitely a gentleman, but then so was Jane when he was serious. The bracelet still in her pocket wouldn't let her forget that. Damn him for always plaguing her thoughts. She'd get him back for it one day, she didn't know how but she would.

The cool night air was welcomed in hopes to ease her mind. Just to get one last look at the man she was thinking about asking on a date, she turned back and caught a glimpse of him smiling as he headed into the back. It occurred to her then that she didn't even know the name of the coffee shop she visited so often in the last few months, the only thing that had drawn her in was the picture of a steaming cup. Some frequent customer she was. Her eyes caught the sign in the window and read the first few words: Cornell Brother's Coffee. She'd have to remember to rib him next time about the originality but now she had his full name. Even better, she felt refreshed and clear headed enough to get through the next twenty-four hours without a potential breakdown.

**a/n: Next chapter = Jane/Lisbon moment!! Speaking of being in the writing zone, I'm going to post a Mentalist/Bones crossover soon. I'll probably just post it in the Mentalist section until I get a few chapters in and then move it. Things tend to get forgotten in the crossover land. Anyways, I'm starting it for two reasons. One: I really liked the idea and Two: I've been neglecting the fact that I entered the fanfiction community as a writer for Bones. Whoopsies.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Don't own it. Blah blah, yada yada.**

**A/N: I'm going to try and update all of my stories by Monday. Obviously this one was next on the list. :D I'm so glad that everyone likes Matt, even though we all believe Jane and Lisbon should just get their act together. I almost feel sorry for Matt...oh and please forgive any rambling mistakes. I've been awake for a long time....very little sleep. Also why this chapter is considerably shorter than the last two. **

**And in this chapter we have one VERY confused Lisbon. :D**

The wind felt refreshing, reminding Lisbon as it blew her hair back from her face that there were always options out there. Everything in life was all about choice and that was why she was on the roof of the CBI building so late in the day. She was waiting for someone, for Jane. Her hands were clasped in front of her as she stared out over the horizon wondering if he'd show or not. He hadn't said yes or no because she hadn't actually asked him verbally. A note had been her method, a simple folded piece of white innocent looking paper that she left on the arm of the couch. The only words she'd written for him were 'Meet me on the roof'. Nothing more than that, she hadn't even signed her name but there was no doubt in her mind that he would know who left it for him. He knew her handwriting and he knew her. Well he didn't know about Matt but she was about to change that.

For the last week, she'd been toying with the idea of taking Matt out to dinner. She knew that he liked her and she knew that she liked him despite the ache in her chest for a certain curly haired man. She'd wanted to wait until the case was over, and finally after almost two weeks they had their killer. The mother's she'd dreaded talking to had their answers and she could sleep without feeling as though she should be working. She could ask out the man she was interested in but it wasn't the one she truly wanted to be with. She wasn't dumb, she knew Jane had to feel something too but she couldn't wait forever and he wouldn't want her to. She glanced at her watch once more an frowned. It was after nine and there was still no sign of her consultant - she'd been waiting an hour now.

Lisbon had spent every night of the case at the coffee shop with Matt and every morning at the office with Jane. Two completely different men, two different worlds and she wanted both of them. She just didn't know exactly how she could accomplish that. She wanted a private life but Jane was making it hard. He was getting suspicious, asking where she was headed whenever she left the CBI building earlier than she used to and she knew it wouldn't take him long to figure it out. Her blowing him off with a simple 'home' wasn't going to work forever. Things were rather awkward between them now, she didn't know what would happen if he found out about her after work adventure - or if he would even care - but she was going to tell him. Her guess for the way they'd been acting would be the bracelet he'd given her. They never mentioned it. She really thought he would have, it was Jane. Being cocky was something he just liked to be. He knew she wore it, yet he still chose to keep quiet even through the moments when it was peeking out from under her sleeve. She hadn't even told him thank you - that was another part of the reason she'd invited him to the roof.

He hadn't changed completely or anything, he was just less of a thorn in her side. He didn't bother her as much which made her realize that she didn't actually think of him as a bother anymore. He was company, sometimes annoying but still appreciated. She couldn't believe that she actually liked their banter, she missed it. He still joked randomly but it wasn't like usual. He just seemed to leave her alone a lot more. It worried her a little, though it probably shouldn't have. After all, she was happy spending her free time with Matt and being less stressed because Jane was behaving. Wasn't she?

She forced her mind to answer with a mantra of _'I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy' _but she wasn't so sure. Matt did make her smile, he was good at that and whenever she was around him she forgot about everything outside of the coffee shop. She'd even been to his apartment above it, only for a minute, but still. She felt safe with him, content but she didn't want content. She'd settle for it if it was the only option but she wanted Jane. She hated choices like these. She didn't want to hurt Matt and she didn't want to hurt Jane.

A hand grabbed her arm, startling her into whirling around ready to defend herself but as soon as she saw it was the man she'd pretty much given up on then she relaxed a little. She'd decided he wasn't coming and had become so submerged in her thoughts that she hadn't heard him sneak up behind her.

"How long have you been up here?"

"Just a few minutes." Over an hour but she wasn't going to tell him that. She wasn't up here to discuss how long she'd been waiting on him. She was here to confront him about things that terrified her. Just seeing him in the dark, highlighted by the lights of the city below had her heart pounding and her palms sweating. This was something that would change them forever and she was afraid of what that would mean.

"So got the note, what'd you need?"

"Um, thank you." The words just flew out leaving both of them a little confused. "For the bracelet."

"You're welcome." The soft tone of his voice paired with the hidden smile dancing in his eyes left her ducking her head and fighting a blush. This wasn't going how she'd planned. Silence settled between them as she turned back to the skyline and he stepped up directly behind her. She could feel the heat of his body and couldn't stop herself from leaning back against him. He seemed to welcome it by placing his hands on her hips and tugging her closer. She really hadn't expected him to touch her, now her heart was really going crazy. She wouldn't have been surprised if it leaped out of her throat at this point. Matt, she was here to talk about Matt and what she wanted. She wasn't here to...do whatever they were doing.

"Patrick..." She hadn't meant for his first name to come out so breathy but his arm had snaked around her waist, his hand toying with the hem of her top. What the hell was happening and why did it feel so good? Okay so she knew the answer to the second question but the first remained a mystery. She just knew that her back was pressed against his chest and she could feel his breath on her ear. It was distracting her and the pleasure coursing through her veins did nothing to help. She was here for a reason, they needed to have a talk but she couldn't even form the words. She couldn't even remember them, at least not until his whisper left his lips tickling the back of her ear and a rather confusing sentence echoed.

"You have to stop doing this to me, Lisbon." Her eyes that had slipped shut, flew open at the desperation underlining his words. What the hell did he mean?

"I dont..." A quick press of lips against the back of her neck killed the words on her tongue and a sigh rumbled out in their place.

"We both know why you wanted to see me. We can't do this, so whoever it is that piqued your interest...ask him out." He knew, of course he did. She should have realized he already figured everything out but she was a little confused now. Her mind was screaming at him to give her a reason to stay, to give her a reason to skip going to the coffee shop on this night but he pulled away and spun her around before she could fully comprehend what was happening. The look in his eyes, told her everything she needed to know. "Go have fun."

"I-I know you care for me." His gaze softened as she whispered into the night air.

"Whoever he is, he's a lucky man." There was a chill that ran through Lisbon's body as he offered her a small smile and then turned to leave. She didn't understand this at all. She knew them being together was a bad idea, she knew that. So why did it hurt so much to watch him just walk away? They hadn't talked like she'd wanted, they'd barely even scratched the surface but she knew that's all she'd get out of him. She was supposed to be happy with Matt, that's why she wanted to ask him out but then why was she so upset that Jane just gave in?

"Wait! Are we okay?" A quick nod and charming grin were her only answers. They both seemed forced. Why did she get the feeling that things would only get worse after this? Why had she let herself get so close to Jane in the first place? They'd become close lately, closer than they used to be but she figured she'd just screwed that up too. Her neck was still tingling from the sweet kiss he'd pressed there and she could still feel the weight of his arms holding her tight. Why did that have to end?

She watched him retreat back into the building with a heavy heart. This wasn't how she was supposed to be feeling. She was supposed to be happy that he knew she had a man in mind and that he approved. She didn't know why, but his approval was something she had needed before she actually asked Matt on a date. Okay so she hadn't exactly been wanting his approval, she'd wanted to talk to him about the tension between them. It all led to the same place anyway. They had feelings for each other, they just couldn't act on them. She should have been okay with that but she wasn't. Not after the way he'd just held her to his chest, kissed her neck and then walked away. Hell, she wouldn't have been okay with it if none of that had happened.

Suddenly she didn't feel like coffee anymore. She wanted to go home and go to bed. Matt would have to wait until another day, until she could forget what had just taken place between her and Jane. She wouldn't be able to see him tonight without thinking of a the man who had just managed to send her heart into a tizzy. It wasn't fair to him, wait, was any of this fair to him? Was it a good idea to drag such a nice man into the midst of some demented relationship between her and Jane? She'd wanted answers and now she only had more questions and she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers to these ones.

**a/n: I do promise that this is a Jane/Lisbon story. It's just going to take them a little bit. Why? Because I'm cruel and like to drag out plots, not to mention Jane and Lisbon are quite the stubborn pair. They really are. The next chapter gets a little interesting. Jane meets Matt....**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Nope, The Mentalist is not mine. However a brand new sketchpad is. :D**

**A/N: Okay, so I for some reason, have decided that I can not write a new chapter of Melt until I get this out of my head. Stories have to be stubborn don't they. Darn ideas. Insomnia is the only reason you are getting this chapter right now. Meh. My month long headache is another reason. I'm glad you all seem to like Matt so far. He's so much fun to write.**

**Thank to my anonymous reviewers: MentalistLover and Juliee**

The window was cool to the touch, almost refreshing to feel against warm fingertips. After three days of avoiding both Jane and Matt, Lisbon found herself in her favorite booth, hand pressed to the glass on her right. The Christmas lights decorated the sill and fake frost had been sprayed around the outer edges. It hadn't been there the last time she was here, the lights had been but not the frost. It looked like the holidays in the coffee shop and she was a little angry with herself for avoiding the place.

She wanted to blame Jane but it wasn't his fault either, she was just feeling confused about the roof incident. That's what she was calling it now and though she was still as confused as ever, she decided it was time to see Matt. She missed their conversations and the ease she felt around him. It was a lot more difficult to avoid Jane considering they had to see each other everyday but she had managed to deal with him as little as possible.

The only flaw in her plan was that he, for once, wasn't there. At least she hadn't seen him yet, and he was usually really good at coming out to talk to her. Granted she was rather early, it was only five fifteen. It wasn't even supposed to be open but Mark had let her in as soon as he saw her. Apparently his brother had left strict instructions about twenty four hour service for her. He really was a sweet man. She guessed Matt could be busy in the back or something. She had been really looking forward to talking to him on this morning. Last week, free coffee week, she'd come by mostly at night. They were always alone that way, no prying eyes or listening ears. She'd pretty much stopped going in the morning but on this day, she had thought it best. Maybe she should have waited. She looked slightly out of place in her work attire, then again, she usually always did and yet she also felt like she fit here.

"Mark, is uh is Matt around?" A blush crept up her cheeks as the young man smiled. She was rather embarrassed for asking but she wanted to know.

"He'd be delighted to know you asked, he likes you."

"That didn't really answer my question." The red staining her face only worsened with Mark's comment causing her to silently berate herself for having fair skin.

"He's on the phone, hang on a minute." Lisbon opened her mouth to protest when he walked away; to tell him that he didn't have to go get him. She could wait but he didn't give her the chance, he was out of sight before the entire sentence had even formed on her tongue.

Alone in the coffee shop, she let her hand go back to resting against the cool glass. Toying with the lights and reveling in the way the glass felt. So smooth and cool. It was odd to be enjoying a window so much without even paying attention to what was going on outside but she couldn't help it. Maybe she was just strange but she liked really simple things like admiring a work of art, disguised as a window. Then again maybe after all this time working with Patrick Jane, she was finally losing it. Either way she left her hand and used the other to sip at the hot dark liquid in front of her.

She still didn't know what to think of the moment between her and Jane, the words he'd said had left her dumbfounded which is why she hadn't asked Matt out on a date yet. She wouldn't today either, she already knew that but at least she was getting back into the routine of seeing him. She told herself that this was for the best, move on with someone who wasn't Jane. A little cruel but she was still a little miffed with him for leaving her up on the roof and she wanted to be happy. That wasn't such a bad thing.

"I should make you clean that window." The voice jolted her from her thoughts, bringing her back to the fact that she was pretty much leaving her fingerprints all over the glass but that was besides the point. A smile, big and bright lit up her face as she turned to face him.

"Matt," Something came over her in those few seconds of glimpsing into his sleepy twinkling eyes and before she could think twice, she practically jumped up and wrapped her arms around him. They'd never hugged, it was a shock to both of them, especially Lisbon. She didn't know what she was doing, but it felt nice and he was hugging her back so she let herself enjoy the little moment.

It felt good to be in someones arms but it reminded her of Jane - the kiss to the back of her neck. She had to stop doing this to herself. There was no way she'd be happy with Matt if she didn't stop torturing herself with a man who was still emotionally committed to another. Inhaling the clean spicy scent surrounding her, she let her nose brush against his neck before pulling away. A light flush tinged her cheeks, a shy smile taking place on her lips as she straightened her shirt.

"Did you miss me?"

"No, I was just...well...maybe a little." Wringing her hands together she took in his attire with a bemused expression. He was in flannel pants and a grey shirt, he looked like he'd just rolled out of bed. His hair was even sticking up all over the place and he wasn't wearing shoes, but it made him look all the more attractive. It helped that he smelled really good. "Nice pajamas."

"It's early, cut me some slack. I'm not used to getting up before eight but there was a bit of an issue a few hours ago." It was still dark out so she'd let him have this one. She really didn't know why she was even here this early but her restless mind had led her here and she'd seen that Mark was cleaning. He was just as sweet as his brother, give or take a few smart remarks. "Somebody tried breaking into my place through the door out back."

"Did you report it?"

"Yeah, not much the police can do though in this situation. Enough about my lousy morning, why are you out so early?"

"Couldn't sleep. You said to come by any time so I just decided to take you up on that offer." There was a question resting on the tip of her tongue, just waiting to slip but she wasn't going to let it. She wasn't ready to ask yet, she'd avoided him for almost four days. It would not be a good idea to just blurt it out now. There was always tomorrow or the next day or the next. Maybe the one after that, yeah that sounded good. She would ask him to dinner around Friday-ish.

She was starting to get nervous, realizing that she really was going to do this and there was a chance he would reject her offer. What, was she back in high school? This was nothing compared to how she'd felt awaiting Jane's arrival that night on the roof, but she wasn't sure she could handle being rejected twice. That might be one too many blows in a weeks time. Too many blows this year. She'd already lost Bosco, Minelli and just recently Jane. All in different ways, but each loss hurt. Each one reminded her that life could be immensely lonely.

"You okay, Teresa?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." She sipped the hot beverage in her hand to distract herself from her thoughts. She swore her mind worked against her sometimes, racing every second and reminding her of things she really didn't want to remember. She caught Matt's eye as sharing a smile with him and placing the cup back down on the table. "I'm sorry I haven't been around the last few days."

"No need to apologize, but speaking of that, I've been working on a project. It's on the wall over there, and I'd really love your opinion." Lisbon let her gaze follow the finger he had pointing at the wall behind the coffee counter. She hadn't noticed it but there were several black frames, curious she got up and wandered over to look. Leaning against the counter she smiled as she recognized each regular customer's face. The frames held black and white images that had a splash of color in each of them. One had a yellow daisy in the breast pocket of an old man's jacket. Simple things, always different. It was beautiful the way each photo was the same yet not. They were candid shots too, her favorite. She always loved the fact that they captured real life instead of posed bodies and fake smiles.

A warm hand rested on her lower back, barely touching as she admired the twelve individual frames and the way they were aligned. It was almost a diamond shape, it was just missing the top and bottom points.

"So thoughts?"

"They're beautiful. Did you take them?"

"Mhm. It's kind of a hobby." Lisbon was extremely aware of the heat of Matt's hand against her back but she didn't move, didn't say anything. She was enjoying the feel a little too much. "Uh, it's not finished yet. There's two pictures missing."

"I count all of the regulars."

"I always ask permission before hanging photos of anyone in my shop, it would be rude not to. An invasion of privacy so...Teresa, can I finish my project?" Whipping around to face him, she stammered for a second before noticing how nervous he looked. He was waiting and she was making a fool of herself.

"Wha - me? The missing photos are of me?" A quick nod and slight flush of his cheeks gave her the answer. "I, uh wow. Yeah, you can finish it." She couldn't remember having her picture taken but then again, they were all candid. She wouldn't have known. She was however very curious as to what they looked like.

It was slightly shocking to her when Matt hopped over the counter and motioned for her to do the same. She almost scoffed disbelievingly but held back. Like her short self would make it, she could tell that was a disaster waiting to happen. He seemed to know exactly what she was thinking though - which left her slightly unnerved - and offered a helpful hand. Taking the easy way, she hoisted herself into a sitting position and then spun herself around to face him. It was the proud smile she flashed that caused them both to laugh at the situation. So she wasn't able to just bounce over the obstacle, but she'd made it work and as soon as Matt rested his hands on her hips, she decided she really liked her way better.

In complete synchronization her hands came to rest on his shoulders as he easily lifted her. It was unnecessary but welcome. Lisbon was actually a little disappointed when her feet touched the floor. He stopped touching her and she wasn't so sure she liked that. One rash decision and she was grabbing his wrist.

"Matt, I uh..."

"Lisbon, hey, Lisbon!" Eyes widened in panic as the muffled voice and loud tapping rang in her ears. This was not happening. There was no way this could be happening. She didn't turn around to confirm her suspicion, she shut her eyes tightly and hoped this was some kind of twisted dream but Matt's question ruined that explanation.

"Teresa, do you know who that is?"

"Blond curly hair, three piece suit?" Lisbon already knew the answer but she was trying to buy herself some time. A quick nod told her what she was already aware of. Sighing roughly, she let go of Matt's hand and turned to see none other than Patrick Jane standing outside the window. He kept tapping the glass, a small smile playing at his lips as the first rays of sunlight highlighted his golden locks.

Internally screaming, she gave him a little wave as Matt hopped the counter once again to open the door. She was hoping that when Matt met Jane it would be her choice and this was not. What the hell was he doing here anyway? She had actually enjoyed having a completely secret private life but now it was all about to change.

Another mystery was why he looked so happy, they hadn't exactly been on great terms as of late. Barely exchanging pleasantries, Jane hadn't even annoyed her. It all had to do with that stupid moment on that stupid roof but what made this day so different? Unless...was he planning something?

"Good Morning Lisbon."

"Mornin' Jane. Uh, Matt this is Patrick Jane, Jane this is..."

"Mathew Cornell, owns this quaint little coffee shop and has an apartment upstairs." Lisbon groaned, never moving from behind the counter as Matt stared at Jane in astonishment. This was not what she wanted to do today.

"How do you know that?" Before she could tell Matt that he was showing off, Jane smiled brightly and pointed at her.

"Lisbon here, called you Matt, the sign outside says Cornell Brother's Coffee and considering your attire I assume you own the place otherwise you'd be fired. Or your boss would be really pissed for that and you letting someone in while technically still closed. No shoes equals the apartment upstairs, the view from the window looks like it'd be fantastic."

"Jane works with me. He's a consultant and you just witnessed what he's good for." It was a little harsh, but Lisbon was no longer in a good mood. She didn't want to deal with any of this. She didn't want her two worlds colliding like this and Jane had that rather sneaky look. "What are you doing here Jane? Did you follow me?"

"Don't be ridiculous, I just happened to be walking by." To any outsider it would seem he was telling the truth but Lisbon knew better. She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest awaiting a real honest answer. Several seconds of awkward silence and he finally gave in, something he had done a lot lately. "I got the address off of one of the empty cups in your office. I thought I'd meet you here and then I saw your car outside."

It should have made her feel better that he'd told her the truth, but it didn't. The look he was giving her resembled the one he'd given her when they were up on the roof. The one he'd been giving her for the last week. She was starting to think that things between them would never be the way they used to. Shifting her gaze to Matt she offered him an apologetic smile for the interruption. Whether Jane knew it or not he had just interrupted what would have been a kiss. Granted it was still early in her relationship with Matt but the emotions and atmosphere had just felt right. Great now she sounded like a cheesy movie. Maybe she should just give up altogether. Men.

"I have to get to work Matt, I'm sorry."

"S'fine, could I possibly persuade you into coming by tonight?"

"Consider me persuaded. Oh hey, I want to see those pictures before I go. Where are they?"

"Cabinet below the register." There was no break of eye contact, Lisbon was refusing to look at the blond. She had to focus all her attention on Matt, he was who she had chosen. He was the one she was interested in, she couldn't let herself become anymore involved with Jane. When her gaze did drift it was to watch her hands as she opened the cabinet and pulled out two black picture frames.

A smile lit up her features when she saw the one that had been taken late at night, the lighting was exquisite. She was sitting with her back to the window, feet up in the booth and knees to her chest. The splash of color was the green Christmas lights around the window sill. She sort of wanted a copy, she wasn't sure if that was weird or not. The second was just as good. Zoomed in further, head and shoulders being the only thing within the frame. She was facing the general direction of the camera while taking a sip of the coffee in her hand, her gaze was just a little to the left and her eyes were the only color.

She found it slightly interesting that Matt had picked something green in each picture but dismissed the thought and gave him a bright smile instead of commenting. The smile fell when she remembered that Jane was still in the room. Quickly setting the frames aside, she crawled back over the counter. It would have been easier to just around but it would have taken longer.

"Unfortunately, I have to go but I'll come by tonight since you asked so nicely." It was easy to slip into her teasing self around Matt, she was just comfortable with him. The way she used to be with Jane until stupid feelings got in the way.

"Then I'll see you then Teresa. It was nice to meet you Patrick, feel free to come with Teresa tonight if you like."

"Well I would, but Lisbon wouldn't like it if I did considering she plans to uh take your relationship to a new level."

"Jane!" Flushing a bright pink, Lisbon shuffled a few inches away from Matt out of sheer embarrassment. "That's enough of your games."

"Oh come on Lisbon, Matt here is a big boy. He can handle the truth." A sigh of defeat, a slight shake of her head and Jane almost looked apologetic for the way he behaved. Almost but it wasn't quite there.

"I'm sorry Matt, he doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut." Absolutely seething at Jane's attitude, Lisbon rolled her eyes and asked herself what she had to get into a mess like this. Two men. One who didn't want her and one who seemed interested. She still didn't know why the one who didn't want her was even here.

Smiling softly at the tall brunette man, she bid him a farewell. He wrapped her in his arms for a quick squeeze before she could move away, surprising her with tenderness. She let herself indulge in the goodbye hug and pretended not to notice the way that Jane ducked his head or the hurt look on his face. It wasn't until she'd pulled away and they were halfway out the door that she finally let the confusion get the best of her.

"What are you doing here Jane? What on earth were you trying to accomplish?"

"Nothing, I - I just wanted to know who the guy was. I was just looking out for you."

"Well don't." Another flicker of hurt across his features and she was left feeling a little angry and a lot sympathetic. "You walked away Jane, you didn't want....please don't mess this up for me. I really like him."

"I wouldn't do that to you." Lisbon wasn't sure why they'd switched to whispering or why they were just standing by her car. "I can see that he makes you happy."

"So do you." The mood had now shifted, resembling their night on the roof as Jane gently grasped her hand. His thumb was tracing over the dangling bracelet on her wrist and she couldn't stop herself from resting her forehead against his chest. They stood like that for a few seconds and then he brought her hand up to his lips, gave it a soft kiss and let go. She sighed and stepped away from him, more confused than she had been before.

"You really do need to stop doing this to me, woman." There was a tiny hint of a smile but his eyes were completely serious. It was almost the same thing he'd said that fateful night. She still didn't know what he meant.

"I don't know what you want from me Jane."

"That makes two of us. See you at work Lisbon." No questions had been answered, her mind was still racing and she wanted to scream and pull her hair out as he walked to his Citroen. She was sick of feeling so torn, sick of the power Jane held over her and sick of the stupid holiday season just because she felt like she should be. Okay so she wasn't sick of the holiday season, not quite yet but she could already sense that work was going to be a disaster.

**a/n: I will try and update Melt today and Family Revelations, but if it doesn't happen then it'll be tomorrow. I'm sorry about the little delay. I've been experiencing some writers block. I'm hoping the new episode tonight will help with that. I totally thought yesterday was Thursday...I was so upset when I realized the truth.**

**Little overview of the next chapter: Christmas has almost arrived, mistletoe is present and Lisbon tries to decide whether or not she should give Jane the gift she bought him.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I'm too sick to come up with anything cute today. Meh. I don't own it.**

**A/N: If any of this seems crazy or a little delirious I'll blame the fever. Yup I'm actually sitting at my computer typing with a fever of 102 degrees (Fahrenheit) I can't seem to write anything else at the moment so I hope you don't mind another update of this. Granted I will update Melt today, even if I have to tie myself to this chair. Promise. Now here's a nice pivotal chapter for everybody. I like a confused and frustrated Lisbon, she's cute. Don't you just love when Jane is just as confused as she is?**

Work was slow, the day had been wasted on paperwork. It was late and Lisbon was tired, she just wanted to lay her head down on her desk and doze but then she'd have a horrible pain in her neck. Tomorrow was Christmas, the one day that some absolutely loved and others dreaded. Lisbon wasn't exactly one of those who dreaded it, she just wasn't used to actually celebrating it.

The CBI always had a little something the day before the actual holiday, today, and she participated because it was the right thing to do. At least this year she'd been in a little bit of a better spirit about the whole thing, she had presents for the team and was even wearing a Santa hat. To many people's surprise she really loved Christmas. The lights, the magic behind the whole holiday, it was still a beautiful time of year whether she joined the festivities or not. She was always the one who admired things from afar, even holidays since she was always alone. It was just _this _holiday season she wasn't enjoying much on a personal level. Caught between two men. In love with one and liking the other but she was willing to push it aside to try and be happy through Christmas, hence the Santa hat.

She was willingly admitting to herself that she, Teresa Lisbon, was in love with Patrick Jane. In her mind that was all the more reason to stay away. He was heartache on a silver platter, broken beyond repair. An unhealthy relationship waiting to happen and as much as her heart screamed at her to just give it a shot her brain was telling her that Matt was best. Why did all of this have to happen at Christmas time, why?

Lisbon wanted this all to be easy, for it to just come second nature to pick Mathew but it wasn't. Every inch of her wanted to feel something stronger for him but she didn't. She liked him, enough that her heart pounded in her chest and her stomach flopped when he touched her but it wasn't anything compared to what she felt for Jane. It wasn't fair to do this, she was using the poor guy, pulling him into a wicked triangle and he didn't even know it.

Matt had invited her to spend Christmas with all the regulars at the coffee shop. Apparently it was a tradition among the place to spend holidays together. He'd told her some even brought their whole family but she'd politely declined the invite. She'd been in a somewhat dreary mood since Jane stormed right in on her private life. She couldn't believe he'd shown up at the one place she'd been able to get away from him. She couldn't believe he'd embarrassed her so. Yet, she was still torn between him and the one man she knew she liked but wasn't sure she'd ever really love.

Jane had been right, she'd planned to take her relationship with Matt to a new level when she'd went back to see him that night but she didn't. She chose to just let it be for several reasons. One being that she realized she couldn't hurt him and that's what would happen if they did become 'something', another being that she just wanted to show him that Jane had been wrong. Despite wanting to stall her relationship with Matt and keep it in the friend zone, she couldn't help but entertain the possibility of settling for him. He was a great guy, he looked at her as if she were the only woman he'd ever seen. He was everything she could ever want so why was she still pining for another?

She had to stop thinking about this stuff at work, it was too distracting. Grumbling and making her way out of her office towards the kitchen, Lisbon spotted her team in the bullpen and Jane on the couch. Normal, everyday occurrence minus the random little Christmas decorations hanging here and there. Tonight she'd tell Matt everything because he deserved to know the truth. She would wait until he closed the coffee shop for the night, then she'd be there knocking on his door and ready to tell him about her feelings for him and Jane. He was too sweet of a man to be pulled into something this complicated and twisted.

Pouring a cup of coffee she was taken by surprise as one of the guys that worked in the mail room pressed a kiss to her cheek. She'd thought she was alone, but the feel of warm lips pressed to her skin made her blatantly aware that she was not. It was the hot mail room guy too, she didn't know his name but the gesture caught her off guard. If this guy wanted her attention, he might as well get in line. Why not, she already had two what's one more?

"What the..."

"Have a great night Agent Lisbon." Slightly perplexed, she just stared as he turned to walk away but finally muttered a quiet thanks as he left. An agent she recognized entered to her left, greeting her with a quick 'hello' before he too planted a quick kiss to her cheek. She wondered if maybe the entire building knew about her personal problems. Maybe they were giving her even more alternatives but this guy was married so she knew there was a reason. He grabbed something out of the fridge and walked out, leaving her alone to ponder the meaning of what had just happened.

"Lisbon." Jane's voice, the epitome of polite yet distant.

"Jane." She couldn't think of anything else to say and he seemed fine with just hearing his name.

"You look really cute in a Santa hat." The dim lighting made for an interesting visual experience, she really hated that even the electricity worked against her. The shadows dancing across his form differed with each step he took and her breath hitched when he didn't stay within a comfortable distance. He kept advancing, a small smile forming on his lips when he had her fully backed into the counter, trapped by his arms on both sides.

She hated that smile, he looked too good this close. She couldn't bring herself to push him away though her brain was telling her to do just that. Instead she swayed closer to him without noticing. Her chest pressing into his with each breath. In the back of her mind she knew something was up but when dipped his head to look her in the eye, she forgot to think.

Warm soft breath puffed against her lips as Jane leaned in closer. She knew what was happening, she knew he was going to kiss her and her fluttering eyelids finally gave up the fight. Her lips parted, cheeks flamed red and she could feel herself panting in anticipation. Though she was expecting the touch, she still jolted slightly when she felt his mouth against hers.

There was a soft, sad sigh but it wasn't from her. It was from Jane as he brushed his lips over hers, adding more pressure with each kiss. Lisbon knew this was only making things between them worse but she found herself returning his caress anyway. Her body wouldn't listen to her brain, it was following her heart instead and she hated it. Her hands had made their way to press lightly against his chest, in hopes to con some sense into him, into herself. It wasn't working, if anything it spurred them on. The kiss turned from soft to a little more heated as they explored bravely, she was forgetting to fight him, forgetting the hurt feelings and confusion.

A noise brought Lisbon back to her senses, making her remember where they were. It was the slight growl of the fridge, something it had started randomly doing a little over a month ago that had every alarm in her body going off. Work, they were at work and even though it was late someone could still catch them. She was about to forcefully push him when he pulled away on his own, after one last tender kiss. She hated that she responded to him, returned the touch. He wasn't being fair, he knew she'd let him do it and he was taking advantage of that fact.

Breathing heavy, Lisbon kept her eyes closed and prayed that she'd dozed off and this was a dream. Jane's own heavy breaths ghosting over her face told her it wasn't. They'd really just kissed, more than once - practically making out in the small kitchen. Right next to the coffee, she couldn't believe this. Part of her wanted to jump for joy, throw her arms around him and let herself fall for the delusion that he'd changed his mind. The cynic in her knew nothing had changed, she could just tell by the tension already resettling around them. She had no clue why he'd just kissed her but she knew not to let herself believe things between them were anything more than they'd been their night on the roof or the morning outside of the coffee shop.

They were still Jane and Lisbon, still broken and this didn't change that. The only thing it did was make things so much harder. Couldn't he see that, couldn't he see what he was doing to her? Finally letting her eyes open, she tried to keep the tears from gathering but it didn't help. Her vision grew cloudy as he mumbled an apology and pointed to the ceiling. She let her gaze drift up to the mistletoe hanging and let out a sigh as anger bubbled deep in her chest.

She was so sick of this with him. The little sprig of green explained why two men had kissed her on the cheek in a five minute span but it didn't even begin to cover why he'd smothered her in a kiss tender yet hot enough to burn the place to the ground. She was too tired to deal with him but she found herself trying anyway.

"Jane, I'm done with this. I can't do it and you shouldn't make me."

"I'm not making you do anything Lisbon. It was just mistletoe. It's tradition, have a nice night with Matt." Detecting hints of jealousy and anger in his voice when he spoke Matt's name, she caught his arm and forced him to stay as he tried to walk away.

"Stop, dammit Jane I don't know what to do. Matt makes me happy and you said you didn't want anything with me. You spoke volumes when you left me up on the roof so don't you dare get mad at me. I'm sick of this. We act okay around each other at times, get too close at others and then can't even stand to be in the same room. What is going on?"

"I never said I didn't want something with you, I said we couldn't. He's a good guy Lisbon, and you deserve to be happy with someone who can give you what you want. I'm sorry for all of this. It's my fault, I'm being selfish but I'll stop."

"It's as much my fault as it is yours and Matt is a good guy but I..." She caught herself before she could blurt out that he wasn't the man she loved. She had to keep that little secret hidden for as long as possible. It would only make this already complicated and strained relationship with Jane even worse. "I have somewhere to be."

This time she was the one to walk away, she was the one to abruptly end the conversation and escape from the tense atmosphere. She did actually have somewhere to be. It was late, the coffee shop should be closing and there was a man she needed to talk to. If only she could get the tingling sensation in her lips to cease. Her heart was already aching and Jane made it worse by kissing her. Pulling the red and white hat from her head, she ran her fingers through her hair and made a quick decision that she wouldn't be giving Jane his Christmas present.

It was too personal and now since she wasn't quite sure they were even friends at this point, she decided it'd be best to hide it away in her closet and forget about it. She wished it would be that simple to forget what had just taken place between them. If only things were different, she could have enjoyed the afterglow of their first kiss in his arms instead of heading back to her office, alone. Her thoughts of telling Matt that she couldn't be anything more than his friend flew out the window the second she grabbed her jacket. Maybe she could just tell him about her situation and explain that she was willing to try with him. Maybe he'd be okay with it, and maybe she could fall in love with him and forget her feelings for Jane.

**a/n: Well guys, this came out differently than I'd intended. I hope you liked it. Next up: Lisbon visits Matt intending to tell him everything but things don't go as planned.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: There's no chance of me ever owning it...which obviously means I don't own it now. **

**A/N: I'm feeling better today. Yay, for the wonders of medicine. :D Thank you guys for all the reviews so far, you've been amazing and Thank you to everyone who is reading this. **

The world was against her. It was the only possible explanation for the events of the last month and it was the only answer Lisbon could come up with when she asked herself why all of this was happening to her. She missed her old life. The one that still had Minelli as her boss and Bosco alive, the one where Jane was Jane and not some man who could barely be in the same room with her. Her plan to keep herself from falling for another married man had failed, epically so. It had tanked, nose dived, was blown into smithereens and she was left to deal with the aftermath. Her way of dealing with it probably wasn't a great plan either but what else was there for her to do?

Jane had kissed her under the mistletoe, not a friendly kiss. It was more along the lines of an I-want-you kiss that left her ears burning and her insides twisted. She'd been hoping in that moment that he'd take her home, forget the rest of the world and just be with her but she'd known it wasn't going to happen. She'd known he would simply walk away and she'd been right. She was angry, seething at him for doing this. He knew nothing had changed and yet he'd pinned her to that counter and kissed her senseless only to leave her. He was being a glorified jerk and she was tired of him saying one thing and doing another.

He claimed he wanted her to be happy but he was the one who was making her anything but. She was pulling up outside of the coffee shop because she didn't know of anywhere else to go besides home and that just sounded too lonely. She had to be honest with Matt, he had a right to know that he'd managed to end up in a love triangle.

Her foot landed in a puddle of accumulated water when she stepped out of her car. It had rained, poured early that morning and now her pant leg was paying the price. She groaned and shook her leg, hoping no one was witnessing the odd behavior before forcefully shoving the door shut and wincing at the echoing sound. She needed to work on her issue of taking out her frustrations on objects that weren't at fault.

This was not her day, it had been okay until Jane ruined it and she was hoping she could manage to salvage what was left, which only gave her two hours to try. The lights in the coffee shop were off, the sign reading that the place was closed for the night so she didn't even bother with trying the door. Instead she headed straight for the one at the back of the building, the one that held the stairs leading up to Matt's apartment. She hoped he was home.

Part of her felt as though she shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be knocking loudly on the back door but she was just so angry with Jane. She wanted to talk to someone. Knocking once more she waited and then she heard the footsteps. A small smile tugged at her lips as she waited patiently. She was convinced the day could only get better but then the world had to spite her once again for thinking such thoughts.

The road that ran behind the coffee shop was small enough to be considered an alley. It was dirty, wet and a little smelly but Lisbon never thought a car would come speeding by to douse her with leftover water from the earlier rain. But it did. A group of rowdy teens, seemingly unaware of her standing to the side drove by, at an alarmingly fast speed and never hit the brakes. Her side was now soaked, water dripping from the ends of her hair and down her cheek. Sputtering she let out a string of curses at the car as it kept going, just her luck.

"Well I guess it's nice to see I'm not the only one you curse at." In her state, she hadn't even noticed that the door had opened and that Matt was standing there watching her. Whipping around to face him, her cheeks flushed as she tucked her dripping hair back behind her ear. "Would you like a towel?"

"That would be great." With heavy footfalls, she followed him up to his apartment, a little nervous and a lot irked. Her entire left side was wet and it was uncomfortable. She'd tell him what she had to and then she'd have to go home. A shower was needed, as well as a change of clothes plus she was practically dead on her feet at this point. Yawning every five minutes didn't make for the best conversation. The day had taken it's toll on her physically and emotionally.

Lisbon hesitated a bit when he opened the door and ushered her inside. She'd seen his apartment before but she'd never stepped any further than just inside the door. Now she was making her way into the living room, taking account of everything in it's simplicity. He definitely wasn't one for clutter. It was clean yet homey - just like the business downstairs.

"Would you like some dry clothes? I can put yours in the dryer so you don't have to drive home like that." There was a protest on the tip of her tongue but then she saw the softness in his eyes. The care lingering in his gaze and she simply nodded. Dry clothes sounded rather nice at the moment.

He offered her a small sympathetic grin and then disappeared down a hallway. She was left standing rather awkwardly right in front of the couch. She didn't want to sit or she'd get the furniture wet and she didn't want to walk around for fear that he might think she was snooping. So she stood, glancing around and fussing with the side of her hair that was still conveniently dry.

"These'll be big but I don't have anything that would fit you." His voice carried from the hall until he came into view with what looked like a shirt and pajama pants. "Bathroom is the first door on the right, conveniently the dryer happens to be in there too."

"This is fine, thank you." Brushing by him before he could notice the blush rise in her cheeks, Lisbon silently asked herself how long it had been since she'd worn a man's clothes. She could smell Matt in the fabric before she even shut the bathroom door and tugged her wet uncomfortable clothes off.

In the middle of pulling the worn cotton shirt over her head, she made the mistake of glancing towards the mirror. Big mistake, tugging the shirt the rest of the way on, she combed through her hair with her fingers before giving up. She looked horrible, tired and wet. Carefully wiping at the tiny trail of mascara that worked its way down her cheek, she grimaced but managed to get most of it off. It was a good thing she didn't wear a lot of makeup or she really would have had more problems than the ones already plaguing her mind.

The warm cloth of Matt's clothes had her in a bit of a better mood, though Jane's kiss still had her lips tingling and she could still taste him. It was unfair for him to do these things to her. She was wedged between a rock and a hard place and by the looks of it there was only one way out. She was going to talk to Matt and that was her way out. There was a dividing wall in the bathroom to separate it from the washer and dryer. The apartment was small, probably why rooms seemed rather crammed together but it was cute and it just fit with the man who owned its personality.

With her clothes drying and her appearance halfway decent, Lisbon made her way back out into the living room to see the dark haired man perched on his sofa rather lazily wearing something that made them look like twins. They almost matched except she was wearing a plain grey shirt and he was wearing a black muscle shirt. She wondered how long she'd taken in the bathroom as she plopped down next to him with a sigh and a comfort she hadn't felt before she changed into his pajamas.

"I knew those would swallow you."

"I like them. Very comfy." Kicking her feet up on the coffee table she wiggled her toes but they remained hidden by the extra length of the pants. Matt chuckled at her as she offered him a bright smile before letting it fade. She was here for something serious, a talk.

"So to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Pleasure? I look like a drowned rat and I'm not in the greatest mood. I'm not sure I'd consider myself good company." Despite common sense telling her that she shouldn't, Lisbon found herself scooting closer to him. She didn't stop until their thighs were touching. He was warm and she liked warm. She was so tired and warm was good, though dangerous. It could put her to sleep easily.

"Nonsense, you look beautiful and I'm assuming it wasn't a good day."

"Not really. No. There's some things I need to say." It'd been fine and dandy until...she had to stop thinking about Jane. Catching Matt's gaze, she forced everyone and everything out of her mind. Everything except those brown eyes, soulful and filled with something she couldn't define. It was that something that made her lean closer. Warning bells were going off but she ignored them. Her hand slid up his arm with a brave caress as she turned her body to face him and gripped his neck. He didn't say anything, but a look of slight shock took over his features as she kept closing the distance and letting her gaze flicker down to his lips. "Matt..."

The whisper of his name filled the silence, lips brushing his as she spoke and then she was kissing him. Soft and sweet, the opposite of the kiss she'd shared with Jane. This wasn't a good idea but when she felt one of his arms circle her waist and one hand gently cup her cheek, she didn't care. The perfect gentleman. A mantra started playing in her head as she moved her lips across his: _Wrong man, not Jane, wrong man, shut up, shut up. _

Before she could even fully understand that he never deepened the kiss or actually kissed her back, she was opening her eyes to see him smiling sadly. This wasn't what she'd planned. She had planned to tell him the truth and what she'd just done only complicated things. She didn't want her relationship with him to be complicated. She had enough to worry about with Jane.

"Teresa, as much as I..."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that. I-I was here for a reason Matt and that wasn't it, I assure you. I need to be honest with you and I felt you should know that there's someone, no, I'm..."

"In love with Patrick Jane. I uh, kinda guessed that already." Startled yet relieved by his interruption, her eyes had already filled with unshed tears that had rose to the surface before she ever stopped kissing him but this made them harder to hold back. She didn't want to hurt him and she could hear in his voice that she'd done just that. "Hey, don't cry. It's okay."

"I'm so sorry." Burying her face in her hands, Lisbon berated herself for this mess and began to babble about how she didn't mean for any of this to happen. It was true, she didn't mean to cause so much trouble. Her entire body tensed when Matt's warm fingers rested gently on her shoulder and pulled her into a comforting hug, rubbing her back in soothing patterns. She relaxed into him easily but knew that there was still so much to be said, so much to apologize for. "M'sorry."

"Don't be sorry Teresa. You didn't do anything wrong." Despite his consoling words, there was still some an edge of pain in his voice and that's what made her pull away.

"I led you on Matt."

"No you didn't. I care about you a lot but you didn't lead me on. I knew from the start you were taken, even if you didn't and after about a week I knew we'd never be more than we are right now. I knew that if you did try something, I'd stop you because it wouldn't be what you really wanted." What did she ever do to deserve someone like him? Any other man would have probably kicked her out by now.

"I didn't mean to do this. I thought I could forget him, things are complicated and he doesn't lo..care about me in the same way as I do him." Lisbon had no idea why she was practically rubbing salt into Matt's wounds but she just wanted him to understand and it felt good to get it off her chest. She knew he'd listen, he always did. Such a sweet man. "I wasn't intentionally trying to use you."

"He loves you too and I know."

"I- he doesn't. There's things, he lost a family and I can't be - I should just go. I'm not helping any." Pushing up from the piece of furniture, she tried to walk away but he caught her arm and eased her back down into a sitting position. He was never forceful about it, always easy. She was partly grateful, she didn't know if she'd stay awake during a drive at the moment.

"You're fine Teresa. Just relax. I'll get you a glass of water and then we'll talk." She thought about making a run for it as soon as he left the couch and headed for the kitchen but when he turned back to smile sweetly, she knew she couldn't do that. "Nothing changed. I promise."

All she could do was give him a watery smile and nod slowly. Scooting over, she stole his spot, reveling in the warmth and the smell of him in the clothes she wore as she rested her cheek against the arm of the couch. Her arms wrapped around her waist as she pulled her feet up onto the cushion and let out a shaky breath. She had hurt Matt and it broke her heart to see him act so nice about it. A yawn took over her thoughts as she struggled to keep her eyes from closing. The last thing she remembered was his voice asking if she'd prefer some hot cocoa instead of water.

**PREVIEW of chapter 7:**

**_Lisbon made her way towards the voices that kept rising as she got closer. It was an argument she could tell and just a few seconds told her who was arguing. Jane and Matt._**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Nope still not owning any of it. **

**A/N: So far so good, lots of snow but we still have electricity. Yay! Enjoy immensely. It's shorter than most....but I'm really sleepy so meh.**

The light coming through the windows tore Lisbon from a relaxing sleep - one of the best she'd had in a long while. Her curtains at home always stayed closed, she was always just too lazy to open them only to close them again before bed. Grumbling and turning away from the brightness, she snuggled deeper into the blankets. They smelled like...eyes snapped open when she realized they smelled like cologne. The night before came flooding back and she turned into the pillow to hide her red cheeks. She'd humiliated herself in front of Matt but he'd been so sweet. She must have fallen asleep on the couch but glancing around with bleary eyes proved that she was not in the living room. Staring into the dark green fabric of the pillowcase, she realized she was in the bed, Matt's bed.

Heart racing for a few seconds, she wondered how far she'd tried to go and then sighed in relief when she frantically pulled the covers down to make sure she was fully clothed. She'd been a little afraid that she might have dreamed about him pushing her away. For a split second she wondered if she'd taken advantage of the poor man but she hadn't and as warm as his bed really was, she had to get up. The comfortable mattress was inviting her to stay but she couldn't. She needed to go home, she couldn't really stay in his bed. It was wrong. A thought struck her as she sat up, she didn't remember walking to his room. She wouldn't have done that, which meant that he must have carried her. She wasn't sure whether she should be thankful or not.

Clumsily stumbling from the bed, she made her way to the closed door dead set on opening it but then she paused, she could hear something. Voices, shrugging it off as the TV she turned the knob and exited the masculine room. The closer she got to the living room, the more she realized it didn't sound like the TV, it sounded like two living breathing people in the apartment. Two men. More curious than anything, she lightened her pace. Slowing down and taking easy quiet steps. She was afraid of what might be thought if she came from the hallway wearing mens pajamas.

Lisbon made her way towards the voices that kept rising as she got closer. It was an argument she could tell and just a few seconds told her who was arguing. Jane and Matt. The longer she listened the clearer the voices sounded, the words came seconds after. No longer muffled by walls as she hid in the shadows of the hall with her back pressed to the wall. What was Jane doing in Matt's apartment anyway?

"...I don't know what's going on, I'm not pretending to but she doesn't deserve this. You're hurting her!"

"I don't need to hear this. I need to talk to Lisbon." It was easy to tell that Jane was on the defensive and Lisbon felt her stomach twist when she realized they were talking, arguing about her. All of this was her fault. It was her fault. "Her car is outside, I know she's here."

"She's sleeping and she needs the rest." There was a pause, a small silence and she had to clamp her hand over her mouth to muffle the sob that wanted to break free. This was her doing and though she'd missed the first half of the conversation, she could easily figure out what was going on. Though she didn't know how it had escalated into this or who had started it.

"Oh I bet she does." Jane's voice sounded soft, yet venomous and Lisbon knew she needed to step in. "You don't know the circumstances here so just stay out of it. It's none of your business."

"I know she doesn't deserve this and you brought it here. You come to my home, it becomes my business. I care about her. Do you know how lucky you are to have her love?" This had all grown way out of proportion and she had to try and fix it. Stepping around the corner she saw them standing in the living room, a few feet apart. Matt pacing slightly, hand running through his dark locks as Jane looked as calm as possible but there was a storm boiling in his eyes.

"Stop it. Just stop it, both of you." She had to force the words out, make them leave her lips and as soon as she did two sets of eyes snapped her direction. "Jane, what are you doing here?"

It was uncomfortable in the room, tense and buzzing with an energy that left them all on the edge of fuming. Hurt emotions running wild, she knew Matt was hurt by her actions the night before, she knew Jane was hurting because she'd been with Matt. It wasn't his business though, he'd walked away and told her to be happy. She could still see it was bothering him but she couldn't make him change his mind and she couldn't wait around for him to decide that she was worth more than seductive looks and touches. The tears forming in her eyes blurred her vision as Matt took a step towards her.

"Teresa..."

"No, m'fine I just...I need to go home. I'm sorry for everything." Jane was still silent. Never opening his mouth but she noticed the way his eyes traveled over her, taking in her attire. There was a spark in his eye and then he was turning away, heading straight for the door. "Wait, Jane!"

He stalled for a split second upon reaching for the doorknob, never turning back to look at her and then he continued on his way. Lisbon could feel hot tears trailing her cheeks but she didn't care anymore. She didn't want to hide her emotions this time and though she should have, she didn't feel ashamed. She'd been torn and confused for too long, she didn't want to feel like that anymore.

"Patrick!" Matt stood by her side as Jane took the stairs two at a time. He'd left the door wide open, not even bothering to close it and before she realized what she was doing, Lisbon was chasing after him. "Don't leave like this, please!"

There was no talking to him, he wasn't going to answer. He picked up the pace, practically running away from her and she followed not really knowing if she wanted to catch him or let him go. It didn't cross her mind that she was barefoot until her feet hit the cool pavement outside, it didn't bother her that she probably looked like a blubbering fool. She just didn't want him to be mad at her. She knew he was thinking that she'd slept with Matt but she hadn't done anything wrong. She didn't sleep with him, she couldn't.

"Jane, goddammit wait!" Coming to a stop just outside the doorway that led up to Matt's apartment, Lisbon wiped at her cheeks. This was not what she wanted to do first thing in the morning especially not on Christmas. It surprised her a little when he actually listened and halted. His shoulders dropped, eyes drawn to the ground and she just watched quietly.

"I'm sorry Lisbon." She'd thought it couldn't get any worse than telling Matt what he'd gotten into, she'd been wrong. Terribly wrong, this was so much worse. When he slowly turned around to face her, she was taken aback by what she saw - he looked destroyed. "I am, I'm sorry. Merry Christmas Teresa."

With an ache in her chest, she watched him leave. She let him go without trying to stop him this time. She'd just witnessed something that shook her, Jane was crying. Not like she was, but there were tears in his eyes and she knew that she had to somehow make this better. She needed to talk to him, really talk but first things needed to settle a little. If she tried to force it now, things would get worse. They hadn't had an actual conversation in weeks, it was time to face things head on and it started with her getting dressed and going home. She should apologize to Matt once again for this, then she'd leave. Something told her they'd already ruined his Christmas.

Pushing her ratted her back behind her ears, she headed back up to the apartment and wiped the remaining emotions from her face. She had to get out of Matt's clothes. The door was still open, waiting for her to return and she hesitated before stepping over the threshold. A deep breath and she walked through, looking around for the man she'd just left standing alone. He was sitting on the couch now with a faraway look on his face and her clothes were folded neatly on the arm.

"Matt, I never wanted this to happen."

"I know that." Grabbing her clothes in one hand, she rested the other on his cheek. His eyes showed how much this bothered him but he never said anything. She may not deserve a friend like him but she was glad that she had one. "Don't worry so much Teresa, I'll be fine."

"I'm gonna go."

"Okay, just promise you're not going to start avoiding me. I'm not mad at you."

"I promise." It was the least she could do for him and to be completely honest, she didn't want to avoid him at all. She was so tired of losing people. She wanted Minelli back, Bosco too, and she wanted Jane to sit down and listen to what she had to say. She had a lot to do and it wouldn't get done unless she got on it. "Sorry about all this...especially since it's Christmas."

She didn't wait to hear if he said anything more, she headed straight towards the bathroom with her clothes. She needed to leave and she had to do it now. Every second she stayed made her feel even worse. She needed to be alone for awhile and figure out where things would go from here. It would take a little time before she'd be able to talk to Jane but she'd try calling him later just to see if he'd answer. She doubted it. Her life had gone to hell in the last few months. It was time to get part of it back and it started with one man. One man who she'd been a little pissed at but now wanted to see: Minelli.

**a/n: That's right. Next chapter = Minelli. Fanfic won't let me reply to reviews right now. BOOOOO!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**A/N: I'm working on some new stories that I'm going to post soon(ish) hence the little hiatus I've been on for the last week. I'm updating everything now so here's a new chapter for you to enjoy. Happy Reading folks.**

The twisting sensation in her stomach was just a byproduct. Being nervous was normal in this situation, at least Lisbon thought it was. She hadn't visited or even talked to Minelli since he'd left the CBI. Retirement is what he'd called it, she had suddenly hated that word. Maybe she shouldn't have, maybe it was unprofessional but over the years, she'd grown to love the man. He was like a father figure to her and she had cherished having him around. When he'd left she'd felt betrayed, she now realized how selfish she had been. She hadn't wanted him to leave because she didn't want to lose him but it never occurred to her that she could pick up the phone or do as she was now. Her heart was making it painfully obvious that she hadn't dealt with Bosco's death or Minelli's leaving at all. She'd avoided any of the feelings by pushing them down and trying to forget they existed.

She was good at that, pushing things away and thinking they'll just go away. She'd done the same thing with her love for Jane and that had turned out horribly. It always would. Wringing her hands, sweaty palms sliding together easily, Lisbon took a deep breath and then lifted a fist to knock on the door. The sound echoed, she almost ran away but it opened before she had the chance and there was the boss she missed, the man she'd looked up to.

"Hi." It was the only word out of her mouth, she couldn't seem to think of anything more intelligent. Her head was swimming with the events of the last twenty four hours. Jane had kissed her, she'd kissed Matt and everything that happened after that was one huge hurricane of emotions. She'd made such a mess of everything. "C-can I come in?"

"Are you okay, Teresa?" Cursing herself for the tremor in her voice, she simply nodded and stepped through the threshold when he opened the door wider. "Everyone on the team okay?"

"Everyone is fine." Now that she was actually in his home, staring down the man she was used to seeing in work attire, Lisbon had no clue why she was there. She didn't exactly want to tell him what was going on in her love life and she didn't want to talk about work. She had no clue so she just opened her mouth and let the words flow. "I was mad at you when you left. I thought I was losing two people close to me instead of just one, as if that wasn't bad enough and I know that was selfish. I should have realized it wasn't all about me. I just...you're important to me and I felt like I was losing my father all over again."

When she stopped talking, she was shocked at herself. Half of what she'd just said, she hadn't even known she was feeling. Or maybe she did and she was just denying it but either way, she knew the words that left her tongue were true. As true as the urge to hug him and apologize for not coming around sooner. She hadn't lost him, he was only a phone call or visit away. Why hadn't she seen that instead of feeling so betrayed?

Minelli stepped closer to her, arms already reaching for her and she went willingly. The last time she'd hugged him, he'd been leaving but this time it was just a comforting hug instead of one meant for goodbye.

"You can come by or call anytime Teresa. You know that." She felt his hand rub her back, much like a father would comfort a daughter, and tightened her hold on him. She was never good at dealing with things. "Now you want to tell me why you look like you've been through hell and back or are we going to pretend you just came by to say Merry Christmas."

One last gentle squeeze and he let her go. She should have known he would see through her. It wasn't hard, he was right. She looked like hell. Even after a shower and change of clothes she still looked as though she'd been crying. And her rumpled appearance only added to the image. She hadn't even taken the time to straighten her hair. She just pulled it into a messy ponytail and now her bangs were doing something strange and wavy. She didn't care.

"I'll take a guess then, Jane?"

"Work's fine, he's no more trouble than usual."

"I wasn't talking about work. You two are almost as obvious as Van Pelt and Rigsby." Lisbon didn't really want to talk about anything but the look Minelli gave her as she cautiously sat down on the edge of the couch made her sigh in immediate defeat.

"I made the mess this time, though he helped some."

"So what are you doing here?" Slightly confused by his question, she gaped at him for a few long seconds.

"Wha-"

"Shouldn't you be trying to fix things. You were always the fixer."

"I'm not sure I can fix this Virgil."

"Have you even tried?" She remained silent, her gaze traveling to the carpet. "Didn't think so. I'll ask again, what are you doing here talking to me?"

"I want to visit with you. See how life has been treating you since you left." The incredulous stare told her he didn't believe her and she didn't blame him. It was pretty much bull, she'd already said everything she needed to and received the fatherly comfort she'd been wanting but she didn't want to leave. If she did, she'd go back home to that lonely cold apartment that just felt too big lately.

"I don't know what's happened but I can tell just by looking at you that you need to go and try to salvage what's left of your relationship with Jane. Otherwise things are going to be tough at work. You're always a stickler for professionalism."

"I see how it is, I come to visit and you just shove me right back out the door." It was a sad attempt at a joke but she was smiling while saying it. At least she'd managed that much. He just chuckled at her as she stood. She knew he was right. If she didn't try to talk to Jane about it now, it would just fester and become something akin to an infected wound. Harder to heal and a horrible pain. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Teresa." Lisbon kissed his cheek as he opened the door to see her out. She'd missed him terribly, she still did. Just seeing him wasn't the same as knowing he was around the CBI but she wasn't really angry anymore. She didn't really want to leave, she wanted to stay because everything felt less painful with company around. It pushed the thoughts of her ruined relationship with Jane and the way she'd broken Matt's heart to the back of her mind. It made things easier.

When the door closed with a soft thud behind her, the ache came back. Jane had been crying when he'd run out. There were tears in his eyes and the image seemed burned into her brain. It refused to leave, it taunted her and she knew that she would eventually need to talk to him. She needed to do it sooner rather than later but she just didn't want to do it right then. Plus she'd already tried calling him at least twenty-seven times and he didn't answer. Not once. He was avoiding her calls, and she had no idea where he would go if he was upset. No idea whatsoever.

The sound of the door opening made her turn around. Minelli was sporting a coat and walking towards her. She tilted her head in slight confusion but smiled when he did. She was in the middle of wondering what the heck was going on when he spoke.

"I changed my mind. I'd like you to accompany me somewhere."

"Sure." She had no idea where they were going, and he never offered the information. Not even after she was in the passenger seat of his car. At least she wouldn't be going back to her lonely home just yet. It hadn't been too bad when she'd thought she'd keep pursuing Matt but once she decided he didn't deserve to be jerked onto a scale that would never tip in his favor, it was back to being a place that taunted her with it's size. "So where are we going?"

"To talk to a few people." She almost scoffed at the vagueness of his answer, could he be anymore misleading than that? "Make some Christmas wishes come true. I think it'll be good for you."

She couldn't exactly disagree, but the whole Christmas cheer had lost it's appeal after Jane had destroyed it with that mistletoe kiss. She wasn't sure she'd even call it a kiss. That didn't seem like a powerful enough word. Maybe the phrase 'mating of mouths' was better. She actually chuckled at her own little inside joke and turned to stare out the window. Despite feeling so torn up, she swore she'd have a good time on this day. It would have been different if she'd spent it alone but she wasn't and that made all the difference. The present she'd stuffed in her car was also occupying her thoughts. It was Jane's gift, the one she'd decided she wouldn't give him. After thinking about it, she decided she would give it to him. It might help with the whole I-didn't-sleep-with-Matt-because-I'm-in-love-with-you thing. Maybe, she just hoped he didn't hate it. It was somewhat, okay a lot childish but personal and it held a special meaning.

**a/n: Short I know but I wanted to cut it there. Next up: **

**"Jane, I didn't have sex with Matt!" She was almost yelling now and several heads turned their direction, one mother covering her young daughter's ears. Lisbon cringed and turned a shade of red once she realized how loud their voices had escalated. This was not the time nor the place to be holding a conversation like this. It was disrespectful.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I still don't own it. Woohoo.**

**A/N: Because I'm in such a giving mood. This chapter kind of cut off in a strange place but that was the natural flow of the story. Enjoy. :D **

Lisbon didn't mind spending time with her former boss, in fact she'd really enjoyed it so far. Minelli had been right, it was good for her to get out on Christmas, it was even better that she'd managed to do some good for others as well. For over an hour they'd helped hand out gifts to children who were less fortunate. She'd felt absolutely amazing doing something so charitable. The smiles on the little faces had her forgetting all about her emotional state and the wreck that was her love life. She'd been in a better mood afterwards but now she wasn't so sure how she felt.

The man she'd thought of as a father had tricked her. Somehow she would end up facing Jane before the day was done and she'd been right. The further they drove, the more it kicked in and when the car came to a stop next to Jane's Citroen, she wanted him to turn it around and take her back. She wasn't ready for this and especially not here. Shaking her head, she opened her mouth to tell him that but he wouldn't hear it, he was practically shoving her out of the car and completely ignoring her question of how he knew Jane would be here in the first place.

She figured that Jane was like her, he didn't regularly visit places such as this so she was a little confused and intrigued at how Minelli would know where to find him. It was a holiday for goodness sake, she shouldn't be confronting him on this day. She already felt horrible enough that he'd seen her in Matt's apartment, wearing Matt's clothes. It was clear to all that he'd gotten the wrong impression.

"I can't do this. I can't..."

"He's just sitting outside, you're not interrupting anything. You'll be fine, Teresa." Gripping tightly to the door handle, she silently cursed Minelli for bringing her to do this. A slight whimper fell from her lips when she remembered how earlier in the day had turned out. Part of her knew that the man next to her was right, she needed to do this and sooner was better than later. She just hadn't really thought of anything to say yet.

With a grumble, she muttered a curse and then climbed out of the car. Might as well, she had nothing left to lose and the bench Jane was occupying did look rather lonely with only one person sitting on it. They needed to talk and what better way than sitting outside of a church? There were people around, walking in and out of the doors. It was easy to see that there was some type of function going on inside. Her guess was a dinner of some sort. As soon as she shut the car door and started heading towards the tousled curls she could see, her ride drove away. She almost yelled but decided against it, Jane hadn't seen her yet and she wanted to keep it that way as long as possible. It helped that his back was facing her.

She'd been enjoying her day with Minelli but the man was now back on her bad side. This was cruel, she didn't want to talk to Jane just yet. She'd hoped to avoid it for at least a day. Maybe two. At first she'd thought it would be best to confront him immediately but now she was dead set in her ways that things needed to cool down. The emotions were still too raw, at least that was her take on the situation. She'd sworn to have a good time on this day but she knew that was now impossible.

Technically she could walk away, she could just turn around and head in a completely different direction but for some reason her feet wouldn't let her. Instead they carried her over to the bench, walking around to sit next to the man she was partially angry with. As soon as she sat down, she rested her hands on her thighs and rubbed against the fabric covering her legs. A nervous habit. He acted as though he hadn't seen her, but she knew by the stiffening of his posture that he had.

"Looks nice doesn't it?" Lisbon hadn't actually expected him to say anything. She had been preparing herself to be the first to break the silent tension. "Happy families gathering for the holiday."

"We need to talk Jane."

"I think everything has already been said."

"You've done all the talking and there's things I need to say to you, so just listen." Pausing to make sure he wouldn't interrupt, she turned to face him. He wasn't looking at her but it didn't matter, she had to do this. She was here, she might as well open the can of worms. "You've done nothing but confuse the hell out of me since I met Matt. You said to go ahead and do what I wanted, then you act like a possessive jerk. One day it's fine that I found someone to like and the next you act angry that my attention isn't all directed towards you. You've been acting hot and cold, you kissed me and used the lamest excuse I've ever heard. I'm just..."

"...confused? Yeah I got that. Look Lisbon, if you want to sleep with some guy you just met then go ahead."

"This is exactly what I'm talking about! Firstly, it's none of your damn business and I didn't just meet him. It's been a month and secondly I didn't sleep with him."

"Not what it looked like." With a growl, she threw up her hands and moved to stand in front of him. Sitting beside him was getting her no where, he wouldn't even look at her so she took action. She blocked his view of the church doors and felt a jolt of anger when his stare stayed level with her stomach. This was just ridiculous and childish.

"If I'm so translucent and you can always tell when I'm lying then why don't you look at me? Tell me if I'm lying to you."

"I left so you could enjoy your day. I apologized for the way I've been acting so why are you here?"

"Minelli dropped me off. I don't know how he knew where to find you or why he thinks it was a good idea to just leave me here but I do know that I couldn't enjoy my day after the way you left this morning. Why were you at Matt's?"

"I can assure you it wasn't to spy, if I'd known what you two had been doing I never would have dropped by." Finally his gaze drifted from her stomach up to her eyes and she could see the hurt eating away at him. None of this made any sense. Their voices were growing louder with each word but neither really seemed to care.

"We didn't do...you know what, no. It's none of your business and I'm not giving you anymore answers until I get some of my own!"

"You should probably get back to your boyfriend, I bet he's missing you."

"Jane, I didn't have sex with Matt!" She was almost yelling now and several heads turned their direction, one mother covering her young daughter's ears. Lisbon cringed and turned a shade of red once she realized how loud their voices had escalated. This was not the time nor the place to be holding a conversation like this. It was disrespectful. Dropping her voice to a whisper she continued. "And he's not my boyfriend."

Fed up with his cold attitude and embarrassed that half the people entering the church had just heard about her personal life, she crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. They wouldn't be able to remain professional towards each other at work unless this could be resolved. With a deep sigh, she kicked his shoe to vent some of her frustration. Letting her gaze drop to the ground she said the one thing she'd been trying to convince him since she'd arrived, knowing that it was probably pointless to even keep trying.

"I stayed with him yes, but he slept on the couch. Stop treating me like this, you know I'm telling you the truth. I just really don't understand Jane, I'm not stupid. You care about me, I can see that you do but you said..."

"Stop, just stop it Lisbon. You want to know why I was looking for you on Christmas? I wanted to give you your present."

"M-my present?"

"Yeah, if you still want the thing it's in my car."

"I'm so sick of this, I just want things to go back to normal. I'm not dating Matt, we're just friends. We talked last night and we both think it's best if it remains that way. I know you've been indecisive regarding our relationship. I want you to talk to me about it but you don't have to." Something in his eyes changed, there was a slight shift and Lisbon felt it immediately. He had realized that she wasn't going to go away and leave it, she wasn't going to just watch him wallow and attack her with sarcasm.

"I'm not really in a talking mood Teresa. I'm sorry for ruining your morning, I really am and I hope you're decision with Matt had nothing to do with me." There was a pang in her chest, it had everything to do with him but she simply nodded and kept that tiny bit of information to herself. Rocking back on her heels, she basked in the silence between them. She could hear people talking and children laughing in the distance but Jane had fallen quiet. He was leaning forward, staring down at his feet and pursing his lips. Her fingers itched to run through his hair. She wanted to drop to her knees, make him see how she truly felt with a kiss and then take him home to spend Christmas together. It'd been so long since she'd been with someone special during a holiday, let alone this one.

She'd exhausted most of her anger, she was more drained and feeling defeated than anything but a hint of frustration was still there. It lingered despite seeing something that she knew was a tear, fall to his knee leaving a wet spot on the leg of his trousers. Was it so wrong of her to want him to open up? She rested her hand on his shoulder, fingers slightly shaking when he covered it with one of his own.

"Let me give you a ride back to..."

"My car is at Minelli's." She wanted to hug him when she saw the beginnings of his trademark smirk.

"He's not your boss anymore Lisbon. You don't have to call him by his surname." It was the closest thing to teasing, she'd heard from him in a while and she found herself biting back a grin. It annoyed her a little that after confronting him, she still didn't know anything. She wanted him to admit that he was jealous of Matt, that he wanted her to himself. She wanted to hear him say that he didn't want her with any other guy because that would mean that she was right about his feelings.

"Its just habit I guess." She knew they would still need to talk, she was in the process of trying to decide if it'd be a good idea to invite him back to her place to do so when he stood from the bench and gestured for her to follow him. "Patrick..."

"I know, we need to finish talking. Sorry for snapping at you, I thought I could be happy for you. I thought it wouldn't bother me if you found someone to make you smile, someone you could love but it did. It shouldn't have, I know that but we both know how selfish I am."

"That's not what we should be talking about Jane. I think we need to take a step back and decide what we want from each other. It's obvious that we can't do what we're doing now and that trying to conceal the fact that we have feelings for each other just won't work." Walking in step, right at his side Lisbon felt their hands brush and noted immediately the lack of a gold band on his left ring finger. She knew she was right, they'd somewhat acknowledged their feelings when they'd been up on the roof so many nights ago and then just pushed them away. It had not turned out the way either had hoped. If they were going to talk then it needed to be about the actual problem, which in reality had nothing to do with Matt at all.

"I'm no good for you Lisbon."

"You're really gonna pull that righteous bull? What happened to you being selfish?" Relief flooded through her when he chuckled softly and reached out to open the passenger side door. Maybe they weren't completely doomed. "I have something for you in my car, so we need to stop there but I think we should continue this conversation at my place?"

It came out as a question though she hadn't intended it to be one, he glanced up at the sky and then nodded as she climbed in the car. This wasn't something that could be solved in a five minute argument outside of a church. This went deeper than that, it could be put on the back burner but it would always flare up again until they found a way to tame it. They needed to think rationally and behave in a civil manner to get through this, to sort it out. Otherwise, their work relationship would suffer, their friendship would be gone and they'd have nothing left.

In seconds, he was sitting next to her and the car was slowly backing out of the parking space. Always the backseat driver, Lisbon couldn't stop herself from turning around to make sure he wasn't going to hit anything even though she knew he was perfectly capable of seeing for himself. It was a bad habit she'd had for a long time, it didn't matter who she was with.

"Is this my present Jane?" A medium sized box caught her attention as soon as she'd spun to look out the rear glass, it wasn't wrapped - it wasn't even sealed - and there wasn't a bow but she was just assuming it was meant for her. He mumbled a quiet 'yeah' that made her stretch around and reach for the edges. Pulling it carefully from the back, she situated it in her lap and noticed that one side was more weighed down than the other. Despite the words they shared just moments ago, she wanted to know what was in it. Just because they weren't on the best of terms didn't mean she couldn't enjoy what he'd gotten her for Christmas.

"The rest of it is under the seat. I didn't really know what to get you after everything we've...I wasn't sure you'd even accept anything from me but I found this. I thought it would help." With a curious mind, she let her hands tug the top of the box to reveal what was inside. Her eyes widened when she saw white. A gasp fell from her lips and then with shaking hands she was reaching inside to pull out the tiny white blob with pointed ears. Two green eyes stared up at her sleepily as the kitten stretched. "I figured cats are easier than dogs and she could keep you company."

"Patrick, thank you but I..."

"If you don't want her it's okay, I understand. I figured you're more of a dog person."

"No, well yes I love dogs but it's not that. This just makes what I got you seem even more stupid." A light purr filled the air as Lisbon ran her hand over the kitten's head. She couldn't help but think that he was going to laugh at her gift. She'd probably cry if he did, she was already at her limit for the day. They were on rocky terrain as it was, she wasn't sure she could handle it if he didn't understand the present she'd bought for him.

**a/n: Well...there's about three more chapters in this one. The good news is that after I get it finished I'm uploading the sequel to Melt. :D**

**Next up: **

**"Lisbon is this..."**

**"Yes, I know it's stupid but I...I had one after my mother died and it helped me sleep at night. I just thought..." Before she had the chance to finish, warm arms wrapped around her waist, tugging her into the solidity of his chest. The tears that had been shed, the problems they'd been having, it was all forgotten in that one embrace. He clung to her as if she was his only hope for survival and she let him. She didn't stop him from stroking her hair or whispering heart felt thank yous into her ear. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: We've established that I don't own anything besides my imagination. **

**A/N: Why yes, I have updated more regularly in the last few days. Thanks for noticing. I've had more time since we're not constantly running to the hospital or cleaning my sister's house. Plus I've been in this writing mood where I can't seem to stop typing. That's good for you guys though, means more stories and more chapters. :)**

Lisbon drove her own car back to her place, checking every five seconds to make sure Jane was still following. She'd been afraid he'd change his mind but he hadn't. He was sitting on her couch with her kitten curled up in his lap, waiting while she simply stared at the box in her hands. Such a stupid gift, she should have thought it through more carefully. Part of her didn't want to give it to him at all. She wanted to pretend it didn't exist and simply buy him something else but Jane insisted that he wanted to see what it was before they continued their talk. He'd said it was only fair and she supposed he was right. She'd already opened hers which she had yet to give a name.

"I wasn't really thinking when I bought this, I just..." She was lying, she'd thought about it more than anything she'd bought for anyone else. Jane was special to her and she'd wanted to get him something that would actually mean a lot to her and hopefully to him. "Here."

Plopping next to him on the couch, she thrust the box in his face with one last ounce of courage and closed her eyes when he took it. She was an idiot, she should have bought him something like a watch or something practical. This was for children...small children but she'd snatched her baby brother's after her mother died and she thought that maybe in some childish way it'd help Jane the same way it helped her. Her brother hadn't liked the thing anyway, it was too girly. Great, she'd just realized she bought Jane a toy, a girl's toy. Could she be any more insensitive? At least it was green.

The tearing of wrapping paper sounded like chainsaws in the silence. She'd even taken the time to attach a bow to the top but now she couldn't remember why. When the rustling paper ceased, she knew he'd gotten to the box and despite wanting to hide away and pretend he wasn't about to open the present, she opened her eyes to watch. Some strange feeling had her reaching out to touch his thigh once he saw what had been hidden by the paper. Her heart hammered against her rib cage as she watched his face, unblinking. He furrowed his brow, pursing his lips and then one corner of his mouth tilted. Her stomach clenched nervously as she prepared herself for the laugh that never came. She expected him to make a witty remark about the Glo Worm he was holding but he didn't.

She'd really never understood why the caterpillar looking thing made her feel safer. She'd been twelve, she shouldn't have felt the need to rely on a toy thats face lights up the dark but she did. She'd never told anyone about it before but she knew that was fixing to change.

She was just a woman, waiting for the man she'd given such a childish present, to say something. His mouth opened a few times and she knew he was at a loss for words. Something she never thought she'd see but it was making her stomach and heart flop wildly. He was confused which made sense, she'd probably would be too if the roles were reversed. He seemed to notice that there was a back story and grasped her hand. She didn't know what to think of the warm fingers entwining with her own but the feeling that spread through her entire body left her feeling flushed.

"Lisbon is this..."

"Yes, I know it's stupid but I...I had one after my mother died and it helped me sleep at night. I just thought..." Before she had the chance to finish, warm arms wrapped around her waist, tugging her into the solidity of his chest. The tears that had been shed, the problems they'd been having, it was all forgotten in that one embrace. He clung to her as if she was his only hope for survival and she let him. She didn't stop him from stroking her hair or whispering heart felt thank yous into her ear. The knots in her stomach eased and despite the impending conversation, she felt relaxed. He didn't laugh, he didn't hate it and he was thanking her; hugging her. She'd missed feeling like Jane was her friend, she hated what they had become.

"It's not stupid, it's not."

"I didn't know what to get you, for some reason I thought about the trouble I had sleeping after...I would sit it on the nightstand and stare at the light for hours to fall asleep. They have better versions now but..." Pulling away from the hug, she silently wondered why she hadn't bought something more up to date, like the bear she'd seen the other day that has the pretty changing lights.

"No this is perfect. It's personal." Jane set the toy on the coffee table, removed the kitten from his lap and then turned to face her with a sorrowful expression. He'd bought her everything she needed for the little white ball of fur, even food. The kitten was already headed for the stairs. She wasn't sure how they'd made such a leap in just seconds but she knew what the look on Jane's face meant. It was time to try and talk. "I'll answer your questions."

"First, I feel like I should say that I'm sorry too. All of this is partly my fault. Why'd you try so hard to push me towards Matt when it clearly bothered you?"

"He's a good guy and you need a good guy, Teresa. Bosco told me to take care of you, I thought by making sure you ended up with a good guy, I was doing my job."

"This - what we're doing now - I hate it and honestly I don't think it has anything to do with Matt. It goes further than that, Jane." Her chest tightened at the thought of Bosco but she didn't mention it, she glossed right over that part and headed straight for the problem. She hadn't wanted to confront the issue on this day but they'd already grazed the tip of the iceberg. She figured if they were going to talk then they needed to clear the air, though she was having a hard time thinking of words to describe how she felt. She didn't want to blurt out an inappropriate I love you, especially now when they were still trying to come to terms with what is was that kept them frustrated and hurting. "It's obvious that we're attracted to each other, I know you notice it."

"I think it became rather unavoidable after I kissed you."

"So what do we do about it?" The knots in her stomach were back, causing her to feel sick. The churning was uncomfortable and she was sure that at any second, she'd need to run to the bathroom to lose her lunch. This could go two ways now and she was leaving it up to him. The ball was in his court and she could feel herself sweating. She knew what she wanted, and she knew that he wanted it too but that didn't mean anything. There was so much weighing against them. So many things that kept them from jumping into bed together from the start.

"I'm not a good guy. I'm not what you need. You've even said it, I'm a cold bastard and I don't think I can change that but I can't help but think that maybe you're what I need."

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I just wanted someone to talk to and then I started feeling interested in Matt but I knew he wasn't the one I really wanted. I thought I could settle but it wasn't fair to him, or to you. It wasn't fair to me either." Their hands sought out each other at the same moment, almost as if they had a mind of their own and Lisbon watched as her small hand was engulfed by his larger one. "I never slept with him."

"I know and it's none of my business if you had. Seeing you in his clothes...I never thought I'd be so jealous but that wasn't why I left."

"Then why..."

"You were crying, I realized why you'd been spending so much time with him. You were just lonely, you wanted a life outside of your job and I'd been making that harder for you. I know you still feel torn, you want to live, love."

"I spent all this time being so mad at you, even before I met Matt. I wasn't angry at you I guess, but myself. I never thought we'd ever be talking about this. Neither of us do feelings," She felt the gentle squeeze surround her hand and a warmth spread through her, making her brave. "Where do we go from here? We can't just ignore it."

Jane's free hand made it's way up to her neck, caressing softly and sending a shiver coursing down her spine. She wasn't sure what to expect after the way they'd been behaving around each other that last few weeks but as he started leaning closer, she suddenly let out a soft breath. Just because he was leaning in didn't mean anything, she couldn't get her hopes up. She wouldn't let herself believe that he would kiss her and everything would be fine. The world just doesn't work that way. It would have been nice if it did.

The silence left her ears burning or perhaps that was the fact that the room suddenly felt a hundred degrees. He stilled, just inches away. They'd been sitting close as it was, but now their breaths mingled and her eyes threatened to close. She remembered what it felt like to be kissed by him, to feel his mouth on hers. His surprise kiss had happened the day before, she couldn't forget in just a days time. She was positive that even if he never kissed her again, she'd always be able to remember the feel. Frozen in her spot, Lisbon didn't move. She wasn't sure she was capable but when his hand moved from her neck to the back of her head, she found herself reaching up. His fingers were resting on her ponytail, gently tugging at the elastic band. Her hand covered his, helping him release the tangled mess of waves. For some reason, something as simple as taking her hair down felt like the most sensual thing in the world with him staring at her. Not even at her, he was staring into her. Communicating without saying a word.

Her hair fell, the scent of her shampoo drifting into the air and making it smell like lavender. She hadn't even messed with her hair after getting out of the shower, she knew it probably resembled something akin to the bride of Frankenstein but still no one spoke. Jane just stared, letting his hand stroke through the strands. The conversation they'd just been having seemed like a distant memory. The ache in her chest, the feeling of being torn and confused, it was all gone. His eyes were clear, brilliantly shining and showing her what he was thinking.

"Play it by ear?" His voice was huskier than she was used to, startling her slightly and making her eyes widen. It took a few seconds for his words to sink in but once they did, she was tilting her head slightly to the side and tugging on his vest to bring him closer. "I can't promise anything, I can't say that I'll never hurt you..."

"I'm not asking for false promises or empty words, I just wa-" The distance between them closed, a jolt of pleasure shooting straight down to her toes when warm pressure was applied to her mouth. A sigh escaped as she parted her lips to meld them against Jane's. This kiss was different than the mistletoe one, softer. More sweet rather than passionate and hungry. More exploratory and content to just be. Her hands gripped at his shoulders, trying to bring herself closer but their sitting position wouldn't allow it.

A soft protest fell from her lips when he pulled away. She tried to follow on instinct, not wanting to lose the contact but he brushed his palm against her cheek and she forced herself to open her eyes and face him. If she had any say so there would be no more running away from these things. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. She couldn't think of anything to say though she'd had plenty just moments before. Their eyes locked, telling things that their mouths could not. They'd both been miserable for days. They'd both been miserable for months, years. Broken and lonely, just two people stuck in a cruel world and faced with unfortunate grief and loss. They really weren't so different. They were both human. They were the same in a way.

She wasn't sure what to think, what to do but she didn't have to. Jane did it for her when both of his hands moved to her hips and tugged her into his lap. Her legs moved of their own accord, straddling his waist and bringing them closer. Lisbon was stunned by her own movement but everything just flowed, their movements seemed in sync. She barely registered that her head fell to his shoulder until his fingers were tracing over her spine in a relaxing manner. Closing her eyes, she hummed in appreciation and rested one hand over his heart.

She could feel the organ thumping, pumping blood through his system and for some odd reason, it eased her mind. She stared down at her fingers, twitching slightly against his chest when she felt him take a deep breath. Their position wasn't in the slightest bit sexual. It was comforting, holding, grasping onto something that could slip away so easily. There were several things she didn't know. She didn't know who had started the argument at Matt's, she didn't know why they were here now, how long this would go on, or where her kitten had went but none of it mattered. It was all dumb little things that appeared in her mind as she tried to keep herself from pouring out.

Wiping a quick thumb over her eye, she turned her face into Jane's cheek and moved to run her hand through his soft curls. She'd always been curious about how they'd feel beneath her fingertips. She'd had a little feel the day before when he'd blown her mind with a surprise kiss but it felt softer now than it had then. She wasn't sure why but it did and she didn't question it. She didn't question any of it, though part of her knew she should. She let herself be held, returning the favor and praying that Jane wouldn't change his mind. With his hot and cold behavior she wasn't positive that he wouldn't.

"Spend the holiday with me. We can just sit like this if you want but I don't want you to go." Lisbon had never been one to say things that would give any indication of how she felt but Jane broke past that barrier. She was sure he'd demolished a lot of her barriers, she hoped it went both ways. She hoped she'd managed to get through to him.

The arms holding her in place tightened and she wiggled against him in response. A light groan escaped his lungs as he shifted beneath her, turning to ghost his lips across hers. They'd never been this close, this touchy before. Never this intimate, it was new and it was taking it's toll on their bodies. She felt it too but neither made a move to take it further than just a comfortable romantic position to sit in.

"You can't stay there forever, I believe I was promised dinner." Laughing against his cheek, she lightly tugged his hair. She felt like sobbing in relief, his teasing tone was back full force. It wasn't even funny, not really but she couldn't stop herself from laughing. She kept at it, the foreign sound growing louder when he chuckled. She was so relieved by his statement that she couldn't stop, she didn't want to. She felt like it'd been forever since she truly laughed. Months, at least.

**a/n: I'm still amazed by the fact that Glo Worms are still in production today. Though here I'm talking about the original '82 version. I had one when I was a kid, my mom liked buying us older model toys. **

**Next up:...after dinner....and KITTEN cuteness.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own it. Merely borrowing the characters to have some fun. **

**A/N: I know this story has been neglected. *cuddles fic* There's one more chapter after this one and then it is finished. :D I'm excited about getting it done. I feel so loaded down with all the stories I have going. I think four should be my limit but I'm never happy with that so I always start another, grrr. Five stories on here, two on my computer and one original work is just way too many. I hope you enjoy the update, though it's a bit short. A lot short......I'm in the midst of writer's block on this one but good news is that the next chapter is longer and Matt is back. I like Matt.**

There was something calming about the fact that after battling each other for so long, it was over. At least for the time being, Lisbon wasn't naive. She knew how relationships worked, there would be fights, moments when they asked themselves why they even bothered but she wasn't asking for forever. If it happened, it happened and if it didn't well then it didn't. It had taken her over an hour to decide she could move from Jane's lap. She'd still been a little skeptical, questioning it and thinking that if she moved then he'd leave. He didn't.

He stayed through dinner, helping her cook. She'd never really had a man help her with a meal before, besides her brothers and they didn't count in the romantic sense. She'd expected it to be awkward but it wasn't too bad, they worked pretty well together. Only bumping into each other occasionally but Lisbon hadn't truly forgotten anything. She knew what led to them being where they were, the roof, Matt, the argument, so many emotional hurricanes. She was curious as to who had started the verbal fight between the two men. It didn't really matter, either way it wouldn't change anything but her mind wouldn't let it rest. Even when she was curled up on her couch with a kitten resting on her shoulder and Jane watching her from the opposite end, she still wondered.

The purring in her ear, became a relaxing lullaby to help her think. It felt nice to just sit with Jane, to feel like she could do so without the overwhelming tangle of complicated emotions. Her heart still clenched at the thought of what she'd done. She'd broken one man's heart, and it'd been unnecessary; unintentional.

"What are you going to name her?" They hadn't spoken since they'd eaten, and Lisbon was a little stunned by the seemingly out of nowhere question. "The kitten."

"I haven't really thought about it. Snow, maybe."

"That's awfully predicatable for a white cat don't you think?" Fighting the urge to frown, she had to admit that it was but she didn't care. She'd always loved snow, she thought it was pretty. White and beautiful, pure in a way before the people touched it and made it ugly. It was kind of ironic that she lived in California.

"So. I like it."

"Alright." The silence settled again, it wasn't comfortable or uncomfortable. It was simply just silence and just when it was verging on getting a little tense, Jane fixed the problem. "You can just ask. Whatever it is that's making you think so hard...just ask."

"The fight at Matt's, I was wondering..."

"I started it. I'm sorry. I was angry at you, not you but how we'd been acting and I said some things to him. I'll apologize, I will."

"He's still my friend and I still want to visit him, I'm sorry if that bothers you."

"It doesn't." Lisbon couldn't find the words to thank him for being honest, so she kept petting her fluffy kitten and searching Jane's eyes for some sign that they'd really be okay, that they were doing something right.

"I'm still confused. I still have questions, I'd like to know what you meant when you kept telling me that I had to stop doing 'this' to you." The first time he'd said it, she'd been in his arms and he'd kissed the back of her neck. She'd been beyond dumbfounded and frozen in her spot for several seconds and he'd simply walked away. She'd been trying to find answers for the strange behavior ever since.

"I didn't want to give in. I knew how I felt about you, I knew you felt the same for me but I couldn't convince myself that it was right. I tried to make myself believe you'd be better off with someone else. In those little moments, like the one on the roof, you gave me a glimpse of how things could be and it made it harder to say no. I know you still have a lot of things you want to know but we can't fit it all in tonight. It's getting late." Lisbon wanted to argue, she wanted her answers but her eyes drifted to the clock just to see if he was telling the truth.

It was only nine, just a few minutes passed and she thought about pushing him further only to decide against it. He was willingly opening up, telling her the things she'd wished to know and she wasn't about to ruin it by being pushy. Plus he'd had her laughing through dinner, heart felt and real laughs that she hadn't experienced in months. If anything, she felt as though she owed him this little pause in the seriousness of their talk. They could simply pick it up again any time and the look in his eyes told her that he wasn't shutting her out, he just didn't want to divulge anymore at the moment. With a sigh, she nodded and busied herself with moving the warm kitten from her shoulder to the empty couch cushion.

"Thank you for dinner and for finding me today, straightening this out. I know we still have a ways to go but still, thanks." He moved before she had the sense to stop him, rising to his feet and offering her a gentle smile. She didn't know what she was waiting for, a goodbye kiss maybe but it didn't come. He patted the persistent Snow nuzzling his leg and moved away. Her heart was screaming at her to stop him, fearing that if he walked out the door then the comfort they'd just found again would go away. She wanted to listen to it, wanted to open her mouth and vocalize her need for him to stay but her feet were the only parts of her body that were listening, making her stand and quickly follow after him.

"Wait, do you want to stay? I'd like it if you stayed." Heat rushed into her cheeks at the implication. "On the couch, you can have the couch."

"I don't know if that's such a good..."

"You look really tired and I'd feel responsible if you end up falling asleep at the wheel." She didn't want to beg, but somehow her hand had captured his, stroking over his knuckles and doing it's best to convince him that he shouldn't leave. Part of her statement was true, he looked very tired. Dead on his feet kind of tired and she assumed he hadn't been sleeping. It wasn't uncommon with Jane but there were times when she could tell it was to the point of becoming hazardous to his health and this was one of those times. "Even if it means less lawsuits for the CBI, I'd still like for you to remain amongst the living."

"Very funny." It was a little interesting for Lisbon to watch Jane's internal battle show on his facial features. He stared at the door for a few seconds before returning the caress of her hand and simply nodding.

"I'll get you a pillow and a blanket." She hid how truly relieved she was by practically sprinting away from him to get the things needed to make her couch more comfortable, more appealing to spend an entire night on. She hadn't actually expected him to say okay, she'd been waiting for some excuse and for him to just walk away but he hadn't. For some reason it meant more to her than it should have. "There's a spare toothbrush in the cabinet below the sink."

When she'd given him the pillow after he'd come back from the bathroom, he acted as though it were something to be studied, cherished almost. He handled it with such care that Lisbon wasn't able to suppress the light chuckle from spilling out. Of course, the way her kitten had stretched and taken over the white plush before Jane even managed to sit back down was another reason for the smile on her face. Grabbing the kitten, she bid Jane goodnight and was pleasantly surprised by the brush of lips against her own. She hadn't thought he'd do something like that. They'd shared a kiss earlier but this was different, a lot more domestic.

It didn't matter. She kissed back, letting her mouth caress his just as softly and only pulling away when he whispered a gruff 'night' against her mouth. She didn't know what else to do, she was still a little confused about the situation they'd thrown themselves into. They'd went from fighting to having dinner to him staying over. She wasn't sure how she should be feeling but figured the fluttering in her chest was normal. Despite not being tired at all and it being so early, she headed for her room with kitten in hand.

Jane groaned softly when his head hit the pillow and Lisbon fought her raging hormones, the ones begging her to turn around or at least invite him into the bed. She didn't, she couldn't. The soft purring of Snow kept her from giving in, her tiny new fluffy bed companion was enough for the moment and she was sure she'd be awake longer than Jane. She'd keep him up if he joined her in the bed, she was horrible at tossing if she wasn't tired or if she was just unable to sleep. The man might not sleep often but she knew he would this time, he had looked so unbelievably exhausted, the same way her emotions left her feeling so drained. She wasn't about to fall asleep though, she'd managed a good nights rest at Matt's apartment.

She just knew she'd be awake until at least midnight, usually she managed to make it longer than that but when she crawled into bed after changing and brushing her teeth, her eyes closed instantly. It made her feel more tired than she really was and when the warmth of a small animal curled into her stomach, she felt herself drifting. She couldn't believe that she was falling asleep so suddenly but succumbed to the feel without a fight. It was early but if her body wanted to rest then she wouldn't stop it. Maybe her emotions had left her more drained than she'd originally thought.

* * *

There was nothing to keep him occupied, no stains on the ceiling, absolutely nothing. He knew that he shouldn't have stayed but even after an hour of lying on the couch, he couldn't convince himself to leave. He wouldn't leave in the night so Lisbon would wake to find nothing more than a discarded blanket and pillow. He couldn't do that to her, not when they were getting back on track, starting something new and terrifying. He was so tired, he could feel it in his bones but sleep wouldn't come. It wouldn't grant him the pleasure of dozing into that far away land that left you relaxed and peaceful. Instead he was stuck making up invisible patterns on Lisbon's ceiling and trying to come to terms with the fact that despite how his eyelids drooped, they were never going to fully close.

He lost track of time, merely keeping count of how many times he thought back on his day. Twenty five times of remembering the fight, the kiss and everything in between, before something joined him on the couch. The ball of fur, proud of herself for landing on his chest after jumping from the coffee table. Cats had always been a mystery to him, but he wouldn't say that he didn't like them. He liked most animals as long as they didn't attack him.

Although when Snow opted for making his chest comfortable by flexing her claws through his thin dress shirt and into tender flesh, he wasn't so sure. The purring only intensified as she kept at it, spinning in a slow circle.

"Ow, ow ow. Easy there tiger." After a few more rotations, the little thing laid down and proceeded to stare at him through the dark. "What Lisbon snore or something?"

Wide eyes stared vacantly back at him, not understanding what he was getting at or why he was talking. A paw reached out, smacking him in the mouth and continuing to do so when he tried to speak. Playful little thing thought that it was time to be quiet. The worst part wasn't that he was conversing with a cat, it was that he expected an answer. He never got one, and after a few more seconds of staring, he was getting a little creeped out. Snow nudged his chin with her head, rubbing against his skin and content to just stay but Jane wasn't. He wouldn't get any sleep at all if the kitten didn't stop. It was cute, and small and furry but he was attempting - rather pathetically - to go to sleep and he would never accomplish it if the little ball didn't stop nudging and batting at him.

He knew that if he remained on the couch, he probably wouldn't sleep anyway and making a split second decision, he grabbed the Glo Worm from the table, pushing himself up off the couch and carried the kitten and the toy upstairs. He was invading Lisbon's privacy after she'd been nice enough to give him a place to crash, but he couldn't help it. If he was moving forward with her, then he needed to be able to do so at his own pace and this happened to be it. Stepping inside the dark cove of her bedroom to set the toy on her nightstand and the kitten on the bed, was how he wanted to move things along.

He stared at the present she'd given him for a few long minutes, until the kitten he'd set next to her decided to sharpen her claws in his arm. He jerked away from the little creature he had about decided held a grudge against him and froze when he realized that he was actually touching Lisbon's bed, so close to her. The soft breathing settled him in a way that felt almost therapeutic.

He decided in that second that he wasn't going to go back to the couch. He was going to crawl into bed with her, wrap her in his arms and try to let sleep overtake him one more time. That's exactly what happened. He pulled the blankets back, sliding under them easily and sinking into the softness of her mattress. He had to fight with himself a good five minutes before he scooted over to her, his chest against her back and legs bending to weave with hers. She shifted, pressing into him and slowly rubbing her foot up his calf. His arm eased over her waist, hand settling low on her belly to anchor her to him, her foot still working the leg of his pants higher so she could feel his skin. He felt overdressed, noticing her attire was much more casual, in the simple t-shirt kind of way.

When her hand linked with the one he had resting below her navel, he knew he'd woke her. It didn't matter to him that she knew he'd just snuck his way into her bed. He didn't care a bit, he just reveled in the fact that he hadn't lost her for good, hadn't ruined their friendship and they'd kissed. It was all that mattered to him.

"Mm, Patrick..."

"Hm?" Softly kissing her cheek, he let her wiggle in attempts to get comfortable with the new position and was surprised by her nonchalant attitude. He had just come into her room and climbed in her bed without being invited. He'd expected some kind of panic, not her sighing in defeat and then rolling to face him. It was clear that she hadn't been able to convince her body it was comfy and she'd resorted to solving the problem by turning over and pressing her face into his shirt. He wasn't complaining but he knew that if she wasn't half asleep, he'd probably be sprawled out on her floor by now.

"Stay right here mk?" Resisting the urge to poke fun at the way she tried to shimmy impossibly closer, Jane let his eyes close and buried his face in her hair. She would probably be back to her regular self come morning, probably throw him out but then she might surprise him. They'd come a long way after all and in such a short time, he figured it'd be okay to press his luck just a little and if he were completely honest with himself then he'd admit he was afraid he was simply dreaming. Afraid the last several hours were nothing more than a delusion of the mind, he'd probably fallen asleep on that bench outside the church. He didn't care, if so then he wanted to stay just a little longer.

Something furry and purring curled up on the pillow he was using, resting it's head on top of his and promptly deciding that is where it needed to be. Slightly annoyed with the kitten, he gave up fighting with it, and with sleep.

**a/n: The epilogue is next guys and then it is COMPLETE!!! Which means I'll probably post something else because I'm insane and like to torture myself. :D But for now I only have my desktop computer, which has a chair that KILLS my back and my mom's laptop when she's not using it. My Talulah is still sick and will be until I can buy a program to fix it. Stupid laptops with stupid viruses.**

**Next: Jane and Lisbon visit the coffee shop, asking Matt to join them for a chat.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Not mine. I do own Matt though. :D**

**A/N: Okay guys, I decided I needed to get the last chapter of this one up before I did anything else. I'm trying to end a few so I'm not so overwhelmed by United. Anyways...I'm updating Family Revelations next and then you'll probably see another one for United because that story is just so easy to write. Enjoy the final chapter of this one. **

It had taken several days - until a week after New Years - for Lisbon to convince herself that it really was okay to visit her favorite coffee shop again. She felt a little guilty for bringing Jane, letting his fingers caress the small of her back through her clothing. She didn't want to rub it in Matt's face that she'd strung him along, toying with his emotions while always pining for another. Matt had said he was fine, said that he understood but she still felt bad about the way things had turned out. Her relationship with him was still friendly - at least she hoped it would be - while her relationship with Jane was still under question.

The blond consultant stayed at her apartment most nights, joining her in the bed without having to sneak in late at night but they hadn't taken it any further. They kissed and burrowed into each other at night for the warmth of another human being, living and breathing but neither had been brave enough to try anything. Not just yet, not when things were still so fragile. Lisbon was okay with it, she wasn't pushing for anything physical and she knew that it'd happen eventually. The 'play it by ear' thing had its downs, as well as ups.

The shop hadn't changed much, the Christmas decorations were gone. The smell of coffee still being the first to greet you as you walked through the door and Lisbon inhaled deeply to catch the comforting aroma. Jane took notice, rubbing her back softly and leading her to what he knew was her favorite booth. She didn't ask how he knew, he'd never been there when she was actually sitting in it but she figured he'd go off in tangents about stuff she didn't really care to hear. Her mind was keeping her too preoccupied anyway. Thoughts of Matt running through her head, keeping her eyes from settling on one particular thing or person. She was searching for him, looking for those soft brown eyes and when she shot his brother, Mark, a questioning glance he pointed to the back.

"Patrick, can you sit tight for a minute? I want to talk to Matt for a second alone." There was no jealousy in his eyes, no hunch of his shoulders as he nodded and Lisbon had to admit that it was nice to see him nonchalant about it. It seemed as though she'd convinced him that Matt was her friend, her really good friend and nothing more.

Leaving Jane in her booth, she quickly walked around the counter as if she were allowed and stepped into the back. It didn't even cross her mind that she was a customer and technically shouldn't be allowed but Matt had always let her. She hoped that wouldn't change. As soon as she entered the small kitchen area, she was greeted by startled brown eyes and a half smile that warmed her heart. He looked as though he hadn't shaved in a few days but other than that, still the same.

"Teresa!" Relieved that he sounded pleased to see her, Lisbon threw all caution to the wind and closed the distance between them, throwing her arms around him. She hugged him tightly, reveling in the feel of him reciprocating the warmth of the embrace. She'd missed him but she'd been too ashamed of herself until now. "It's good to see you."

"Yeah, I needed a little while to adjust to everything."

"Coffee's on me today." Lisbon shook her head to decline the offer as she pulled back from the hug. She wasn't going to start something like that again, it only had her feeling guiltier than before.

"I can pay, I want to. You keep giving me free coffee and you'll go out of business. Besides I brought someone with me."

"Patrick Jane?"

"Is that okay? We'll leave if you..."

"No, it's fine Teresa. I believe I should apologize to him anyway, and to you. I'm sorry about Christmas and the arguing." There was an honesty in his chocolate eyes that had her placing a hand on his arm. He was such a sweet man.

"It's fine, forced me to confront some things." She didn't mention that technically it was her ex-boss that forced it. "We okay?"

"You really do worry too much, we're fine. The thing with Patrick work out?"

"Uh, we're still sorting through some stuff. Kind of one day at a time, it's iffy." Leaning back against one of the counters, Lisbon crossed her arms over her chest and offered Matt a small smile. "I want to thank you for everything Matt. You've been amazing through all of this and I know that you....care about me. I know this isn't easy for you."

"I do care and I won't lie, I am a little broken hearted but I'll be okay. I'm a big boy, I can handle it." Ducking her head, she gave the floor beneath her feet a once over. She knew she'd hurt him but to hear him actually say it somehow made her feel worse. She felt as though she were rubbing it in by showing up, even more so considering that Jane was with her but she couldn't stay away. She felt close to Matt, he was the closest thing she had to a best friend - as elementary as the term sounded, it fit. He was there for her when she couldn't turn to Jane or anyone else and that made him someone she loved. "Come on, cheer up. Your friendship means more to me than being mad at you for something you had no control over."

Deciding another hug just wouldn't cut it, Lisbon pushed off the counter and closed the distance between them to give him a friendly, chaste peck on the lips. There was nothing romantic about it, on either one of their parts. She was trying to show how much she appreciated his words. To her it felt like the kind of kiss she'd shared with her brothers. The thought struck her as a little odd, she didn't know when she'd stopped seeing him as a prospective love interest and started seeing him as the more brotherly type but she didn't want to waste all day trying to figure it out. She had better things to do.

"There's not many men like you."

"I'm taking that as a compliment." A smile lit up his face, drawing one from Lisbon's lips as well. It was contagious and she couldn't help but catch it. "I should get you, your coffee."

Following him back out into the front of the coffee shop, she let her heart flutter when Jane's unruly locks came into view. They were still working out the kinks but she loved him, she loved her kitten named Snow, she loved knowing she wasn't alone and that she had people to talk to, and she loved Matt in a strictly friends-only kind of way. She hadn't bargained for any of those things when she'd struck up a relationship with the dark haired coffee man. She just thought he was nice to talk to, nice to listen to and she'd seen him as a potential lover but now she had Jane. As unfair as it seemed, she wouldn't have ever been able to fully give herself to Matt so the cards she'd been dealt made sense.

She'd made a friend that she knew would always be there and to her, that was what mattered the most. Her relationship with Jane was still rocky and not quite clear yet but when he smiled, she always forgot the hard times and painful memories. When he offered her a wide grin as she sidled over to the booth, she felt that familiar stirring in her stomach, the burn low in her belly and she fleetingly wondered when he planned to up the ante. She was a woman, she wondered sometimes - this moment being one of them - when he was going to take it further than kissing and touching.

"Nice chat?" There was a hint of teasing in his voice and she plopped down with a huff.

"Yep."

"Told ya, you worried for no reason."

"Shut up." Balling up a napkin, she tossed it at him playfully and squealed softly when he threw it back - hitting her in the cheek. She was about to continue the war when her steaming cup of coffee appeared and then the battle didn't seem as important. "Ooh, thank you."

"It's free and don't even think about arguing Teresa." Matt knew her too well, she'd already opened her mouth to protest but quickly closed it with a frown. She could sense the tension between the two men, though they both appeared fine. Grasping the cup in her hands, she softly blew on the hot liquid before bringing it to her lips and urging Jane with her eyes to say something.

"I, uh, I believe I owe you an apology Matt. I shouldn't have come to your apartment on Christmas, I shouldn't have said the things I said."

"We're both at fault for that. I said things I shouldn't have said too, so I apologize. No hard feelings?" With a slight roll of her eyes, Lisbon decided their apologies would have to do. She'd expected something more but she shouldn't have, they were men. When they shook hands and smiled politely, she knew things would get better. The nerves she'd felt upon entering the coffee shop were gone and the guilt for bringing Jane was slowly waning.

"Now that we've all kissed and made up, would you like to join us?" Slightly startled by Jane's sudden mention of kissing, Lisbon blushed a little and awkwardly shimmied over to the window to let Matt slide in next to her. She wondered if Jane knew she'd kissed the man now sitting beside her, if so he didn't act jealous. He shouldn't, it wasn't anything to be jealous over and it wasn't anything she felt guilty for. She'd probably tell him later though, just to be honest about everything. She'd hate for it to come out later and seem bigger than it was.

Numbly sipping her drink, she listened as the two important men in her life talked about random things. They were getting along better than she'd imagined and when Jane asked for a copy of the pictures Matt had hanging on the wall - the ones of her - she turned red. It wasn't because he'd asked, it was because he'd called her beautiful in the process and Matt agreed, asking what size prints he'd like. She wasn't used to people asking for copies of her picture, especially in such a setting. Especially considering these were the two men she'd been so torn between, it just seemed a little strange and yet they acted as though it was fine.

She joined the conversation once every few minutes, just so they knew she was paying attention and didn't start questioning if she was alright or not. Somehow they'd ended up talking about her kitten, which morphed into the topic of what each of them did for New Years and then she lost track. It felt great to talk to Matt again, to really talk without feeling as though her heart was being torn apart. She'd thought that Jane might be a little jealous once she found herself fully immersed in a playful argument with Matt but if anything he seemed more intrigued by their interaction than anything else. Things weren't one-hundred percent awkward free, some topics brought on long pauses and cricket-chirping silence but she knew it'd get better.

She didn't plan to stop visiting Matt anytime soon and she knew there would be more times that she brought Jane along. He was part of her life, so was the dark haired one next to her and she wanted both of them to see that she'd found a way to have both the men she wanted. She wanted them to see that they didn't need to dislike each other or act possessive in any way shape or form because they both meant so much to her. She loved them. One as a friend, one as something more.

They stayed in that little booth in the corner for over an hour before Jane mentioned being ready to go. Lisbon had simply agreed, giving Matt a warm hug and linking her arm with Jane's as they walked out into the fresh air.

They hadn't made it through her front door before she blurted out the fact that she'd given Matt a quick peck on the lips. Jane wasn't upset, he didn't seem to care. He actually chuckled when she explained her reasons and she'd been confused by his lack of response when not that long ago he was seething at seeing her in Matt's clothes.

The answer he gave her when she asked why he wasn't mad, was one she'd never thought of. He wasn't mad because he didn't need to be. That was his answer, he said he knew all about her feelings for Matt changing from a could-be romance to a more sibling based kind of thing. Turning it into a joke, he pressed his lips to hers, murmuring that he hoped she wouldn't cheat on him with her brother. The teasing didn't last long, the kiss heated up leaving them both gasping for air and Jane tugging gently on her the hem of her shirt. Hearts accelerated when his fingers brushed the bare skin of her stomach, mouths quickly re-aligned and legs stumbled their way through the living room.

Lisbon didn't even notice Snow until Jane pulled her shirt over her head and let it drop on the ball of white fur. Startled, the cat ran with a hiss, causing laughs to bubble up from both of them. It had scared them, making them jump and cling to arms for support as the white flash, darted under their feet. After a few minutes of calming down, a longing stare and Lisbon pressing soft kisses along his jaw, she decided it was time to take their activities to a more comfortable area.

Grasping Jane's hand in her own, she led him up the stairs and attempted to ignore the flopping in her stomach when they reached the bedroom. He'd been in there plenty but this was different. They'd never undressed each other or been seen by the other in anything less than sleep wear. They'd never done anything more than kissing, and most of the time those were nothing near passionate but verging more on the tender side instead.

It was easy to tell that this would be it, that moment when they both realized what they wanted, what they needed and despite the shaky start, Lisbon was ready. He was too - it was in his eyes that he had one thing planned. She was suddenly extremely grateful that she hadn't forced herself to be with Matt, that she hadn't taken the easy way out.

**a/n: The End. :D **


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